


been dreaming that you feel it too

by blushandbooks



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Fic, 5+1 Things, F/M, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, alex and willie are def there too but not at the forefront, also all of these are post-finale but have no drama lmao, i just love julie and luke sm, not beta read bc why, they can all touch and ~thats it~
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27252139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blushandbooks/pseuds/blushandbooks
Summary: in which luke and julie don't have to wonder what it's like to be loved by each other.or, five times luke and julie try to be physical with each other in public and the one time they are in private.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 345
Kudos: 676





	1. i. dr. turner's office

The first time he does it, she supposes she really needed it. It was a relief to have him there even if it was slightly putting her in a bad position. 

Dr. Turner wanted Julie to come in for a “check-in,” seeing as Julie had stopped seeing the doctor regularly. It was solely to update the therapist on how she was doing, how she joined a band, how she wasn’t going out of her mind anymore, etc.

But still, as harmless as it was, it scared her. 

Getting in the car, knowing she was going to walk into the musty office and down the lengthy hallway to sit on a worn couch and talk about her feelings brought up bad memories for her and the times that she had more immediately after the death of her mom.

Now, she had three ghosts, and any inclination of that to Dr. Turner would send red flags flying. 

The afternoon of the appointment was an overcast Saturday. Julie trudged behind Ray to their car, and got stopped on the way out:

“Time for that big appointment?” 

Alex. She smiled marginally; seeing Reggie and Luke pop up beside him.

“Unfortunately,” she mumbles, straying back on the walkway to put more space between her and her dad. “You look dressed up. Where are you off to?”

Alex blushes before responding, but Reggie excitedly cuts in first; thinking that the question was for him. 

“Tia and Carlos and I are running errands!” 

While his antics with her family are odd and sometimes annoying, Julie always reminds herself that their family has a dynamic that he has never experienced. He never got to go out with a family member as supportive as Victoria to go do mundane family errands. She smiles at him sweetly, glad that one of them is having a good day. Then she turns to Alex.

“And you? That’s your nice fanny pack. I’m guessing… Willie?”

“Date night,” Alex says bashfully, turning the toes of his shoes against the concrete. “We’re going to see some ‘Conan Gray’ in concert. Willie says I’ll like him.”

“Are you kidding?! Conan’s in town?” Julie’s sudden outburst takes the boys by surprise. “Sorry. It’s already a rough day. I’d kill to go see him. You’ll have so much fun.”

“So you-”

“Julie? Ven aqui, mija. I know you don’t want to go but I promise you I don’t think that it’ll be that bad.”

Ray cuts Alex off from responding, and all four of them turn towards their father figure. 

“I know,” Julie sighs. “I’ll be right there. You can start the car.”

With a sullen face, she turns to her bandmates. 

“Have fun.”

“Good luck, Julie.” With a two-finger salute, Reggie poofs out of the driveway,and Alex follows. To avoid suspicion, Luke and Julie start walking towards the car at the end of the driveway.

“Don’t you have something totally cool and fun to do, too?”

Luke shrugs, lightly nudging her shoulder with his so as to stay unsuspicious.

“Totally. I’m going with my favorite person to see her therapist.” 

Julie stops dead in her tracks, and Luke only smiles proudly at her -- but Ray interrupts the moment too soon. 

“You ready, mija?”

Turning away from Luke, who is still giving her the puppy dog eyes that make her bend at his every will, she forces a smile and waves Luke into the backseat with her. 

“Why don’t you come sit in the front, Julie?”

Julie looks up to her dad in the front seat, painfully reminded once again that her companion is invisible. She notices Luke gesturing for her to sit up front, but she shakes her head. 

“Sorry, I just kinda feel like laying down back here. I’m a little nervous to talk to Dr. Turner.”

Ray, ever the father of the year, nods empathetically.

“Alright, just this once. Hopefully I don’t get pulled over for this. Keep your legs down best you can.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

While Ray pulls out of the driveway, Julie sits herself in the backseat so that her head is in Luke’s lap and her feet are draped across the rest of the seat. Luke looks worried that Julie’s dad will notice that his daughter’s head is not resting on the actual backseat itself, but Julie can tell that her dad can’t see them -- Luke and her are sitting behind the driver's seat.

Luke’s hands rest in her hair, and she closes her eyes; already feeling the anxiety drain from her. Her arms are crossed on her chest and Luke hesitantly reaches his right hand down to rest on top of her left -- barely clutching her fingers. 

_They play this game all of the time -- how far can they go without making it look like Julie is holding onto empty space?_

“I’ll be there the whole time,” he tells her, and her eyes flutter open to look at him. She gives him that admiring stare that always makes him feel like he is in the palm of her hand. “You’re gonna be great.”

She gives him a soft, easy smile, and puts her right hand on top of his. They stay like that the entire car ride to the office.

When they arrive, Ray lets Julie walk in by herself.

“I know you probably don’t need me to hold your hand, so… Take all the time you need, and call me when you’re done.”

He’s right; Julie doesn’t need anyone to hold her hand, because her ghost [boy]friend is doing it for her. Luke is standing right next to her, actually.

“Thanks, Dad.” 

She breaches her contact with Luke to give Ray a bear hug, and the second that he drives away, she latches back onto it.

After signing in and being told that Dr. Turner is ready for her, she feels Luke lightly squeeze her hand. Julie begins to pull him down the long hallway lit with soft gold lamps, taking slow steps. The last time she was in this hall was when she was trying to get her depression over her mom’s death cured; but it didn’t really work for her. She needed to take her own time to find her voice again.

“This place is pretty sad,” Luke mumbles next to her. 

“I know, right?”

Finally, they reach Dr. Turner’s office door, which Julie decides to stare at in favor of knocking and going inside. Luke, without knowing what he’s supposed to do, looks between his girl and the door expectantly. When he notices that Julie is almost paralyzed with nerves, he drops her hand and steps behind her to wrap his arms around her stomach and rest his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m right here, Jules.”

She exhales under his hands. 

“Want me to knock?”

Barely nodding, her hands come up to overlap with his across her torso. He can tell how nervous she is by how freezing cold her hands are.

He wishes he could warm her up, but now’s not the time to think about that.

Slowly, sure not to freak Julie out, he raises his fist and taps on the door with his knuckle three times. 

“Julie? Is that you?” A woman’s voice calls out. “Come on in, Sweetheart.”

Luke presses a hard kiss to Julie’s temple before she gulps, heavily, and twists the doorknob to go inside. They walk in with him trailing behind her, and he joins her immediately when she goes to rest on the couch. It’s a side of Julie he’s never really seen: Uncomfortable, afraid, and filled with anxiety. 

Wanting to help, he rests a hand on her leg. She puts her left hand right next to it so that his thumb can reach her pinkie finger. 

“Well, Julie, I am so happy to see you. Your dad told me you’ve been doing fabulously in the past few months; you’re doing well in school, you’re in a band that’s been playing some big venues, and you’re… Happy, is the word he used.”

Hearing the mention of the band, Julie smiles and nods. Luke notes that their band is a good safe zone for her. 

“Yeah, my band. We played the Orpheum a couple weeks ago. It was insane.”

“It’s deserved, too. A voice like yours should never be wasted.”

There’s a pause while Dr. Turner waits for Julie to say something, but she doesn’t. The doctor continues.

“I actually looked up your band because I wanted to see you perform, and I was a little shocked that it was you and three holographic teenage boys. Are they…”

“They’re from Sweden,” Julie juts in, reflexively. “We met online. They’re my best friends.”

“Sweden,” Dr. Turner draws out the word. “And they’re good to you? You’re comfortable with them? What about that boy who plays guitar?”

Both Luke, and Julie, freeze up. 

“What about the boy that plays guitar?”

“You two seemed to share quite a moment on stage. Are you… Romantically involved?”  
  


Julie pulls her hand away from Luke’s, much to his shock and disappointment. Dejected, he stands up from the couch and starts walking around the small office. He actually feels like he’s intruding now; and he definitely doesn’t need to be reminded of him and Julie’s “interesting little relationship,” as he once called it. 

“No!” Luke’s heart sinks, just a little, at how quickly Julie answers. To distract himself, he looks at the books that Dr. Turner has on her shelves. “I mean, no, because he’s in Sweden. Right now it isn’t exactly in the cards for us to fully… Be together. But we talk all of the time, and I’ve stayed up all night on the phone with him writing our songs and just… Talking. It’s almost like he’s in the room with me.”

Luke finds a book titled _How To Build A Better You_ with a colorful cover and momentarily forgets that he is a ghost. Casually, he pulls the book from the shelf and when Dr. Turner lets out a loud gasp, he drops it. 

Julie turns around and looks at him, anger in her eyes. He feels caught, and hurt having to hear Julie describe their nonexistent relationship, so he does the one thing he does best: He poofs out. 

Luke doesn’t go far -- literally just to the curb outside of the office. Julie thinks that he’s gone-gone, though, and goes through the rest of the session, unsurprisingly, focused on Luke. 

“He’s so talented, too, and he’s so passionate about his music. He writes real, raw songs, not like the current stuff about toxic relationships and partying. He’s only ever actually written a song for one woman, and it was his mom. I cry whenever he plays it for me. And he always contacts me, no matter how far away he is, and he always lets me know that even when he isn’t physically around, he’s there.”

“You seem to love him very much.”

“I-” Julie pauses. She does, doesn’t she? “Yeah. I do.”

When the session is over, Julie realizes she talked about Luke and Reggie and Alex the entire time. She tried to apologize, because she knew that Dr. Turner wanted to talk about more than just the band, but the therapist simply responded “I think that I got everything I needed to know, Julie. It sounds like you’re doing very well.”

In the end, getting to talk to Dr. Turner about the band wasn’t the emotional ball of garbage that she expected it would be. If anything, it reminded her about how happy she is now with the boys and Flynn and the band. 

The visit had some sort of benefit after all.

When she walks outside to call her dad, she notices Luke sitting on the curb, waiting for her. Tucking her phone back into her pocket, she sits down right next to him. He looks upset -- very upset.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I didn’t mean to fuck things up.”

“You didn’t. It’s okay.”

“I just get upset sometimes when I hear people talking about how I can never be with you, you know?”

Her heart leaps into her throat. That was not quite the response she was anticipating. 

“Luke-”

“No, you don’t need to say anything. You probably don’t even feel the same way, I mean, I’m just a ghost. I’m stuck at 17 and you have a whole life to live.”  
  
“Luke-”

“And it’s not like I don’t know we can’t be together. I mean, I definitely know. Flynn made it perfectly clear last week when you went and got snacks during rehearsal. But sometimes I just like to pretend it could happen, like when I hug you or hold your hand-”  
  


“Luke!”

“-Or comfort you when you’re sad-”

“Oh my God, _shut up_!”

He finally goes quiet. Julie knows he rambles when he gets nervous, confused or defensive, but this was exponentially on another level. 

“First of all, don’t try and say that I don’t feel the same way. You should know that I do after everything we’ve been through together. Second of all, I know that everyone is always trying to tell us no, and that it can’t work, and reminding us that you’re a ghost -- but Luke, it happened. It’s happen _ing_. What we feel is what we feel and people can’t tell us that those feelings aren’t possible. And like you said: You can touch me. I can touch you. That’s like, the best thing that could have happened. I don’t care if people think that this can’t happen because they can’t see you -- because I can see you.”

“But in Dr. Turner’s office you sounded like-”

“I sounded like I couldn’t tell her I’m in a ghost band, Idiot. You’re supposed to be in Sweden, remember?”

Luke sighs. 

“I remember. You could have picked a better country, by the way.”

“I was put on the spot! I couldn’t-”

She’s about to give him a defensive rant about her choice to make the boys be from Sweden, but the way that he’s smiling at her cuts her off. It’s how he looks at her all of the time, but now it feels like it carries so much more weight.

“So, uh…” He starts. “You mentioned that you feel the same way?”

His close proximity is quickly distracting her, and she absent-mindedly nods her head. Luke moves closer, and closer, until there’s barely any space left between them and he-

Passionately dives into her hair as she turns away from him. She tries and fails to hold in laughter.

“We’re still in public,” she giggles. “And in front of my therapist’s office. I don’t think making out with air would help my case.”

“That’s cool, that’s cool,” he responds, ever the more confident and full of charm. “I can wait.”

A cool breeze blows between them as Julie texts her dad that she's ready to go. As she leans back, she lets her right hand overlap with Luke's on the sidewalk, and she links her fingers with his.

"Thank you for coming with me today," she tells him, voice overflowing with sincerity. "I don't think I could have done that without you."

"You've done a lot of things that I doubt you ever thought you'd be able to, Jules."

"But-"

"I know. I'd do anything for you. You know that."

She does. She knows. He never fails to prove it to her, and that might be one of the things she loves the most.


	2. ii. school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke pops in halfway through Julie's day right when she needs him the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out!!! It's longer to make up for it. Also, for anyone who is also a reader of "i'm terrified but i can't resist," I am going to be alternating focus between updating that fic and this one. So now that this is published, I'll do i'm terrified next, and then come back to this one, and so on. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I took some creative liberties with Perfect Harmony. You'll understand when you read the fic
> 
> Double Disclaimer: I DON'T PROMOTE CHEATING ON TESTS BUT JULIE HAS A GHOST BOY WHO KNOWS LITERATURE SO SHE MAY AS WELL USE HIM TO HER ADVANTAGE
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!!!! Love you!!

****

Julie noticed that it's one of Luke's favorite pastimes to come and visit her at school for essentially no reason. 

(He'd give a random reason: asking her what time practice started, how much homework she had that night, or telling her something funny that one of the guys did. But sometimes, he just showed up, and it always seemed to be when she needed him.)

It was a particularly rainy February day and she had just been informed of a C+ grade she got on a math test that she had actively studied for. Thankfully, she'd get to retake it, but her teacher was very picky about retakes -- complete an assignment along with all of the other homework that qualifies you for a retake, schedule time after school to do the retake, and then wait another week for her to change the grade.

In theory, Flynn attempted to explain over text, it would be less work to bring the grade up over the course of the next month than do the retake.

Too bad Tía Victoria wouldn't see it that way.

Anyways, on this bad day, Julie also was late to her science class because of her math class, Carrie was feeling especially heinous for no comprehensive reason, Flynn was home sick so Julie was sitting alone at lunch today, and the packet of work due for her history class next period was not in her backpack where she could have sworn she put it after spending an hour after practice explaining to Reggie-

_Oh, shit. It's in the garage, where it most definitely is not supposed to be._

To summarize: Today was the kind of day where any Gen Z would casually say that they wanted to die. Julie tries to make those comments as little as possible, but God --- today's just been trash. 

As she angrily shoves miscellaneous items back into her locker and backpack, a pair of legs magically poof into existence right to her left. 

"Hey Boss. How's the grind?"

Normally, she'd chuckle and give him a playful eyeroll. Today, she barely musters a small smile -- in the saddest way possible, Luke calling her "boss" is probably the best thing to happen to her today.

Julie mumbles her response to his question sorrowfully. 

"Hey," he crouches down next to her, noticing the downtrodden look on her face. "What's up?"

She glances over at him, attempting to be subtle. His eyes are drowning in concern, so she sighs and pulls out her phone, holding it to her ear. 

"Hi," she deadpans. He tries to give her the perfect Luke smile that always gives her one of her own, but it doesn't seem to work. 

"Hey," he replies, mouth slowly turning to a frown. Determined to keep trying to cheer her up, he reaches out to brush some hair out of her face. Julie clearly looks tired, frazzled, and dim. "What's wrong?"

Trying to keep herself from breaking down, she shakes her head. Her phone stays pressed to her ear.

"I don't know, it's just been a really shitty day."

"Do you need to talk about it?"

"No. I'll fall apart if I start talking about it." Finally done with reorganizing her things, she zips her backpack and closes her locker. Both her and Luke raise up to stand, and she notices rolled up paper in his left hand. "What's that? New song?"

"No, actually." Luke brings the documents out in front of him and begins to unroll them. "Something with your name on it that was in the studio from yesterday. It looked like school stuff, I don't know if you need it, but I just thought i'd drop it by." 

Looking in between them, it's exactly what she had been looking for: The history packet. 

She's pretty sure that since Luke is holding it, its invisible to the naked eye; but one can never be more safe than sorry--

(Plus, she's pretty sure she's about to cry,)

\-- So she gestures for Luke to follow her down the hallways and into one of their music practice rooms. Relieved, she pulls the phone from her head and takes the paper out of his hands. 

"Thank you," she croaks. It seriously sounds like she might cry. "Thank you so much. I really needed this."

"Oh, well it was really no pro-"

Julie throws her arms around him suddenly and without hesitation. He's not one to deny any hug from Julie Molina, but he can't help but feel the negative energy radiating from her. In his arms, she shakes with what he hopes are deep breathes and not cries. 

Without putting much thought into it, Luke kisses the top of her head while he lets his hands rub up and down her back. Her fingers are curled into his flannel, and he's well prepared to hold her as long as he needs to when the school bell rings out.

"No," Julie groans. "I don't wanna go. I have an English quiz on The Great Gatsby after lunch. Just another thing to add onto my list of why today sucks. I guess it can replace the panic of thinking I left my history homework in the studio."

"Hey, hey, you got this," Luke tries to reassure her, doing a little bounce reminiscent of the one when he was pushing her to follow through with singing "Bright" for the whole school. "Lemme walk you to class. That's what a good friend does, right? Maybe I can even stick around and help you on that English thing. We played enough book club gigs for me to be able to write a rad analysis on Gatsby."

A part of Julie (the part that's trying not to dwell on his use of the word "friend") is convinced that Luke is only doing this because he has nothing else to do with his day. She's just something to pass the time.

But another part of her, the overly-emotional one that is raw from the terror of the day, thinks that maybe he wants to do this. Over anything else he chooses to come and see her at school and to hug her in the band room and walk her to class and help her cheat on tests.

"Really? I actually have lunch right now, but after…" She trails off, voice hopeful and high. As he looks down at her with his pupils wide and a small green ring surrounding them, his mouth curves into a soft smirk. 

"Anything for you, Julie. You know that. Let's go have lunch and maybe pump out a few lyrics, and then let's get you through the rest of your day so you can come home. Reggie said your dad is making your favorite for dinner tonight."

Too many things in what he just said make her heart want to explode--

_He called her house "home," he wants to hang out during lunch, he knows her favorite meal, etc., etc., etc._

She doesn't know whether to hug him, cry again, or push him against a wall and kiss him with everything she has. 

To be safe, she goes with the first option --- not that she wasn't tempted by the third.

"That sounds perfect," she sighs. "Thank you so much, Luke."

He holds out his hand, and she knows what it means: Meticulously wrapping the tips of her fingers around his, she works to create the illusion that her hand looks like it is naturally hanging at her side. 

"So, where can we eat lunch?" Luke whispers in her ear as they make their way down the hallway. About six students pass through him as they go. Julie smiles at all of them, reaching once again for the phone in her back pocket to hold up to her ear. 

“Really anywhere we want,” she finally responds. “I can put earbuds in and pretend to be on the phone the whole time. The cafeteria will probably be pretty loud, though, so maybe up in the bleachers by the field?”

“You’re the boss,” he hums, sending her a smirk and tugging on her hand. The urge to smile widely is strong, and she briefly gives in -- before remembering she’s grinning like the air next to her just offered her the world. There’s still a little of her dignity that she’s trying to hold onto when she’s at school, so she has to learn to stay composed. 

Luke’s presence just makes that much, much harder. 

They walk together out of the main building, following the sidewalk to the stairs that lead up to the soccer field. Julie keeps her hold on his hand; pulling him towards her and curling her hand around his more firmly. 

He gives her a questioning look. 

“No one’s out here,” she assures him. “Even if anyone was, they’d be too far away to see my hand clearly anyways.” 

“Fuck it then.” Luke drops her hand in favor of draping his left arm around her shoulders and leading her towards him. He feels warm around her. She wonders how that works, psychologically. 

(She’s not complaining.)

The two of them finally reach the bleachers and it amazes Julie how she can hear the sound of her footsteps ringing out, and not Luke’s. She’s quick to push the thought out of her mind and lead him to the top; both of them settling on the cold metal seats. 

“So,” Julie starts, pulling out her lunch, followed by the journal that she started writing songs in after Luke encouraged her to try it. “Did you have any new song ideas? I had a handful of random lines written down, so maybe you can help put them together.”

“Epic,” Luke says, reaching out and grabbing the journal from her without even asking. 

“Wait, no, there’s some-” 

But he’s already flipping through it, and he’s already found the full song that she scribbled out the second that she got the journal. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the title that she attempted to write in (poor) cursive: _Perfect Harmony_. 

“Whoa, Jules,” he mumbles, eyes racing over the lyrics faster than she's ever seen. “This is amazing. When did you do this?”

(Great. No comments on the romantic undertones. Should she be grateful, or disappointed?)

“Um… I mean, it’s a couple weeks old-”

“Weeks?” 

_Yes, weeks,_ she thinks. She’s been sitting on the song since her fantasy during dance practice, and looking back at it longingly in her journal after she put it to paper. If the doodles of dahlias, butterflies, and guitars are any indication -- she revisits this page _a lot_.

After avoiding his eyes out of embarrassment, she finally looks up at him again. He looks… A little hurt, to be honest.

(Whether or not it’s about her not sharing it with him, or her not telling him she loved him sooner -- she doesn’t know.)

“I mean, yeah, it was just something that I thought of one day… It’s not really our sound, so I didn’t think you’d be into it.”

“But you used the blue pen,” he comes back with, eyes now refocused on the page. There’s an intensity in his eyes that she’s only ever seen when he looks at her. Her heart constricts. 

To clarify the depth of “the blue pen”: When Julie got her songbook, she was really excited to use all of her nice, multicolored gel pens to make notes, doodle, and of course, write her songs. One day, when her and Luke were in the depths of a songwriting session, he pointed out how she writes lines for herself in pink, lines for him in blue, and lines for their harmonies in purple. Sometimes, she would underline them in red or yellow, meaning that Reggie or Alex could sing them too. 

She hadn’t even noticed this habit -- but he always does. And now, this damn blue pen is indicative of the fact that she imagined this as a duet between the two of them. 

“Yeah,” is all she can say. Julie is shifting into her awkward, “I don’t know what to say” mode. She desperately needs him to take the lead on whatever conversation they’re about to have. 

Unfortunately, he doesn’t look ready for that either. He… Sort of looks like he’s about to throw up, if she’s being honest. 

So, she tries to cover it up and move on. 

“I mean, I imagined it as a duet, yeah, but like I said-”

“A duet between you and I?”

“Yes, but-”

She’s cut off when Luke starts rummaging through her backpack, looking for something unspecified. 

“... What are you doing?”

He grunts as he wiggles his hand around in the bag, dodging journals and binders. 

“Looking for your pens. I’d like to collaborate on this one like we do with all of our other songs.”

Both relief and shock overcome her, but a content smile prevails. 

“You have some changes you’d like to make?”

“Well,” he blushes as she reaches to retrieve the blue gel pen for him, “just some notes. Like, instead of you singing the first verse and me singing the second, we could split the first verse and edit the lyrics a little. Instead of ‘he came into my world, unwritten love story never heard’ it could be me singing ‘step into my world, bittersweet love story about a girl.’ So you and I are interacting a little bit.”

(Wow. He’s… He’s helping her write it. He’s calling it a love story. Please, God, tell Julie that he knows it’s about him, and that he is more than okay with it.)

Julie prays that he can’t see her blushing, and focuses her energy on the fact that he’s onto something here. 

“I’m not opposed,” she teases him. “What else?”

\---

Thirty minutes later, a bell echoes from the main campus out to the bleachers where Luke is leaning against Julie while they work on a new song.

“I may not have been in high school for 25 years, but I know what that means,” he groans, tilting his head back to look up at her. She smiles down at him and starts to put her lunch back into her backpack, while he finally sits up straight and lets her stand up. “What’s your next class?”

“History. The English.” 

“Sick. I always kinda liked history class. I had it with the guys, so we’d mess around all of the time. The teacher kinda hated us, but we did good on all the tests, so they couldn’t really do anything about it.” 

Julie smirks at the idea of having her whole band in one class together. If she were the teacher, she would probably hate it too. 

“Yeah, I like my teacher but it’s _so_ boring. She lectures us for the whole hour.”

“Well, good thing I’ll be there to keep you company,” Luke says; clearly joking, but he looks down at her with hope in his eyes. They are reaching a busy part of campus, so Julie has to tear her eyes away from his and pull out her phone to continue their conversation. 

“It’s a very good thing. Plus, you saved me the embarrassment of having to talk to her about forgetting my homework. Literally a lifesaver.”

Trying to only peak at him through her peripherals, she notices him bashfully gaze down at his shoes, feigning a smile.

“Yeah, well it was a good excuse to come and see you.”

(THE NERVE! OF THIS MAN!)

She feels like squealing -- and Julie Molinda does not, ever, squeal. Not even in ninth grade when Nick was in her math class and asked her if she had a pencil. Excitement is an understatement of how she feels right now. Her chest is -- it’s light. Does that make sense? She doesn’t know and she doesn’t care. 

The two of them remain quiet, soaking in the peace and hope of the moment. Luke passes through masses of students, able to keep up with Julie (who unfortunately does not have his ghostly luxuries), and the two of them trail into what he believes is her history classroom. 

While she goes to her desk to unpack, he looks around the room -- there’s different posters, little assignments on the teacher’s desk, and a whole cart of computers. Somehow, the thing that really catches his eye is a poster on the back wall. 

It shows a big city with many skyscrapers, and in focus are two nearly identical buildings. Right next to it is the same cityscape -- but it’s lacking the towers. Across the bottom: _Never Forget._

“Hey, Jules,” he approaches her desk. Her lack of an excited response hurts, but he understands that she has to act unbothered around students. “What’s that poster with the towers in the back?”

Julie casually looks back, and painful realization flashes across her face. Her eyes flit across his face, briefly meeting his eyes, before turning back to her journal and scribbling down a note. 

_NY, 2001. Planes crashed into the twin towers. Lots of chaos happened after. I’ll tell you at home_

He nods solemnly, and continues making his way around the room. The teacher starts class, and he gets what Julie meant; the older woman seems kind at heart, but is boring beyond measure. 

(Should he help liven things up? Or would she get mad at him?)

Sighing, he walks behind Julie and leans over so that his head is propped on her shoulder. She rolls her lips together to prevent herself from smiling too much. 

“You’re handwriting is so much prettier than mine,” he mumbles. “And you were right. Your teacher is worse than mine was, and that says a lot.” 

Her hand moves back and forth as she writes a new note to him in the margins of her notebook.

_Tell me about it. I zoned out ten min ago. Just writing down what the slideshow says, I have no clue what she’s talking about_

He smiles down at that. Her focus remains on the board up front, but he takes a moment to look at her: The curve of her nose, her long eyelashes, and smooth bronze skin. She’s too beautiful for him to resist sometimes. While she continues to try and follow along with her teacher’s notes, he unexpectedly leans in and presses his lips softly to her cheek.

She doesn’t push him away; somehow staying composed. 

This prompts him to stay close.

He tilts his head down, slightly, and brushes his lips in a trail across her jaw. It’s times like these that he gets overwhelmed with affection for her, and he doesn’t care where they are or if no one can see them -- he just wants to show it. 

After, Julie rolls back her right shoulder to nudge him off. A few seconds later, a new note in her journal appears below the previous one:

_Why must you do that when I’m surrounded by people?? If you want to do that_ _later_ _,_ _IN PRIVATE_ _, I won’t push you away next time_

Luke grins, satisfied with her answer. 

“I’ll hold you to that ‘next time.’”

\---

Her next period includes the much-dreaded English text on The Great Gatsby. Luke is determined to tell her that he’s got this, saying “it’s easy. Nick and Gatsby are in the closet the whole time, and the abusive guy’s mistress dies.”

Julie insists there’s much more to the story than that; adding on the fact that the quiz is less about plot and more about symbolism.

“They tell us it’s about the American Dream,” she says into her phone while they walk hand-in-hand down the hall. 

“Well, they’re wrong.”

They follow the same routine as they did in her history class, where she gets settled at her desk as he peers around the room. There are quotes surrounding him from famous authors, and rows of books lined up in bookshelves against the windows of the classroom. Luke watches while Julie makes kind conversation with her peers:

“Julie, did you do the reading?” The boy who is sitting in front of her twists around to ask. She laughs in his face.

“I always do the reading, Cameron. Why does it sound like you didn’t?”  
  


“I had soccer practice, and the SAT prep, and then I had overdue math homework to finish! Championships are next week. I didn’t have time to read about some rich dudes simping for each other during Prohibition.”

“I would correct you about everything you just said to summarize the book, but you didn’t do the reading, so it’s no wonder most of that was wrong.”  
  
“So will you-”   
  
“Will I help you? No. You’re on your own this week, Cam.”

The boy, Cameron, sticks his tongue out at Julie playfully, and turns back to sit in his seat. As the bell rings and the class falls quiet for the teacher to start, Luke approaches Julie from the side and squats next to her desk. 

“See? He thinks Nick and Gatsby are flirting too.”

She smiles, and rolls her eyes; but doesn’t write out a response to him. 

“Why didn’t you help him out?”

Finally, she prints a note: _Harder for kids to cheat nowadays. Esp with this kind of test. I’ll get caught, get an F, and dad and tia will be pissed_

After thinking for a moment, she writes another note:

_Plus, he’s nice, but he takes a ton of advanced classes that he doesn’t do work for. He never puts any effort in. It gets on my nerves lol_

“Well, I mean, I didn’t take a ton of hard classes, but I also didn’t put that much effort in. Would you have helped me?”  
  


_If you begged_

_…_

_And paid attention_

_And didn’t ask me for help 2 min before the teacher passed out the test_

“Fair enough.”

Luke sits himself in the aisle, leaning against Julie’s chair as the teacher smiles at every student while handing them a packet of paper. Lightly, he feels Julie’s right hand rest at her side while she starts to read over the questions on the first page, and her index finger pokes out a little to scratch against the back of his neck and up into his hair. 

Instinctively, his eyes flutter shut and his head tilts back. He releases a slow exhale.

Julie continues tracing the same path up and down, back and forth along the nape of his neck while he basically purrs for her to continue -- and it crosses his mind how she’s going to focus on the test while she’s giving him attention like this. 

Maybe she’s got this in the bag more than they both thought, or--

A tug on a lock of his hair alerts him that she needs his help. 

Shocked out of his reverie, he clumsily stands to his feet and strongly leans over her so that his left hand is rubbing her back and his right hand is propping him up against her desk. 

“What’s up?” He whispers. Even though no one can hear him, it’s a reflex when there’s a test going on. Julie points to question number 4. 

**4) What is the meaning of Fitzgerald’s description of Dr. T.J. Eckleberg’s eyes?**

**A. He wanted to distract the reader from what was going on in the main plot of the story**

**B. He wanted to symbolize the eyes of God constantly observing the scandalous actions of the characters**

**C. He wanted to make Dr. Eckleberg look like a very suspicious character that may be important later**

**D. None of the above**

Luke smirks; instantly recognizing the answer. 

“B,” he whispers in Julie’s ear, finishing it off with a kiss pressed into her hair. Even though she’s been at school all day, it still smells like her peach shampoo. 

(Luke was never a fan of peaches when he was alive. Now, he thinks about them quite often.)

Julie smiles minisculely, and uses her pencil to write a very small, very light two letters in the margins of the test:

_TY 💓_

She erases it shortly after. 

They fall into a pattern during the period; he sits next to her and gets a little neck scratch, and whenever she needs him she gets a back rub. Julie tries not to be shocked at how sure Luke is of every answer, even though he says each of them like he’s saying the sky is blue. He punctuates every answer with a kiss to her head, and she wonders if her English teacher can see her blushing furiously every few minutes for no reason. 

(Even if she does, what’s she going to do?”

The test ends at the end of the period, and Julie has never felt so confident about a grade in her life. For once, she’s looking forward to checking her grades online that night to see what she got on the exam. 

When the bell rings and the school day is officially done, the two of them begin making their way through the halls to the parking lot where Ray will be waiting. Julie holds her phone to her ear, again, to make conversation. 

“So, Boss, having me around today didn’t get annoying?”

He says it as a joke, but the slightly worried look that he sends her after finishing his thought gives him away.

“This is probably one of the most fun days of school I’ve ever had, actually. Having you here was really nice.”

“Well, it was fun to be here. I think the guys would like it too. Maybe we can all come one day, or alternate.” 

Julie’s smile waivers. Of course she wants all of the guys to come too, but does that mean Luke didn’t enjoy having it be just the two of them? Was all that touching just him being friendly, like he is with Alex and Reggie?  
  
Is she just stupid and hormonally driven right now?   
  
Luke seems to be reading her mind. 

“Of course, though, I would like to just have it be you and I again. Today was really great.”

He hits her with his shy, awkward puppy smile. The one he uses when he knows they’re teetering into romantic territory. 

“Yeah,” Julie responds, slightly flustered. “It was.”

They’re stopped at the curb, waiting for her dad to pull up, and once he’s in sight, Luke decides he should probably go so Ray doesn’t get suspicious.

“I’ll see you at home, Boss. It’s enchilada night!” He tells Julie, giving her his favorite two-finger salute and a wink. 

She’s too focused on the fact that he said “home” again to realize when Ray is parked right in front of her.

(Today really went from being a mental-breakdown day to a day for her to fantasize about while she tries to fall asleep tonight.)

The thought of Luke, and their day together, makes Julie grin the whole ride home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really said that Imma use the "anything for you julie" line in every fic I write instead of being creative and writing my own goddamn dialogue. that line just lives in my head rent free okay???? It squats. up in my memory. i can't evict it
> 
> also the amount of times that he calls her Boss in this i-  
> I have such a thing for him doing that oh my god
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @blush-and-books and check out some of my other fics for jatp!!!!! Thank you so much for reading my lil angels :)))


	3. iii. ice skating rink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke is a little down about the holidays, and Julie works to cheer him up with a few cuddles and kind words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every single one of these chapters gets so far away from me oh my god!!!!!! its slightly angstier but ofc the same fluffy juke feels you came here for and a happy ending. 
> 
> ALSO CREDITS TO "kendall" FROM THE COMMENTS OF MY LAST CHAPTER WHO WAS LIKE "WHAT IF LUKE WAS THE EMOTIONALLY RAW ONE" AND SO I RAN WITH THAT

Luke Patterson was one of few people who felt nauseous when the holiday season rolled around. Reggie and Alex were aware of it, and respected their bandmate's emotional boundaries -- Julie, however, didn't know. 

"She doesn't know you left on Christmas Eve?"

"No, Alex, I haven't told her."

"Why?" Reggie asks next. Luke shrugs, putting some of Julie's stray papers and journals in her backpack before school. He won't look either of his friends in the eye. 

"Don't want to. She keeps talking about the band's first Christmas. I don't want to ruin it for her."

"She'll notice you aren't happy, dude. She knows you as well as we do."

Luke is about to answer, insisting that he’s a good enough actor to put on a happy face whenever Julie mentions the upcoming holiday, but the words die on his tongue as the girl in question throws the doors to the garage open as he finishes zipping her backpack. 

Even if he has been a little down since the beginning of December, seeing her always makes his face light up a little. Reggie and Alex send each other the classic “he’s a whipped, stubborn idiot” look, and they both approach Luke’s side to greet Julie before she heads off to school. 

“Hey, Boss,” the guitarist grins, holding her backpack out to her. “All ready.” She pulls it from his hand; making sure to wrap her fingers around his for the brief moment that they overlap.

“Thank you very much,” she hums, stepping forward and quickly and carelessly laying a kiss on his cheek before moving around him to hug the other two boys in the room. 

“Bye Julie,” Alex chuckles. Reggie says the same, picking up their lead singer and twirling her in a circle before setting her back down. 

A car honking from beyond the doors alerts Julie that her dad is waiting for her. Reluctant to leave, she looks at the guys. 

“Gotta go. Dad’s letting me drive to school today! See you guys later!”

“Have a good day! Drive safe!” Luke calls out after her -- but she’s already outside. 

Within moments of Julie’s exit, Luke’s shoulders sink as he longingly stares at the closing garage doors. The corners of his mouth quirk downwards and all that Alex can do is look at his best friend, filled with concern. 

Reggie, however, is slightly less aware. 

“How come Luke gets a kiss and we don’t?”

The boy in question looks over his shoulder at his friends, and poofs out seconds after. Reggie looks at Alex, even more confused than before. 

“‘Cause she loves him, Reg.”

“Doesn’t she love us too?”

“Of course she loves us. She just loves him a little differently.”

\-----

If Julie was being irrevocably honest: She did not really like Christmas.

It was a secret that she harbored deep in her soul, painted over with the obligation to keep her spirits up for Carlos and her dad. Rose had died about two months before Christmas last year, and Julie was pretty sure that the event had ruined the holiday season forever after the fact. All of the bright, exuberant colors of the jolly period were dull, gray, and overwhelming her with grief. 

(Why does everyone else get to be happy when she can’t?)   
  
Her mom and her used to sing Christmas carols from November through December, and now the once-happy signal of the holiday season is a grim reminder of the voice that she lost last year.

Even now, with the boys and the band, she doesn’t know if they’ll be able to help her turn things around. She often attempts to gauge their positivity about their first family Christmas (and Hanukkah, for Alex), which is reciprocated for the most part. It’s their first huge family holiday, and she thinks, just maybe, that her joy for winter can be restored. At times, she might be a little overbearing with her enthusiasm -- there could be a little too much riding on this year in her mind. 

However, Luke has been perplexing her. 

Where Alex and Reggie are elated to celebrate their first Christmas as ghosts with their found family, Luke is less so. When she mentions maybe working on a few fun songs to perform for her family, or to put on YouTube, he nods and smiles -- but doesn’t light up. Luke Patterson is practically a Christmas tree in his own right when he is excited about something, especially music; but whenever Julie makes a move to say anything about the holiday, he dims. 

She can’t help that it disappoints her and tempts her to sink further into her little black hole of Christmas depression. Maybe they can stay there together. 

(That’s too dark of a thought, she thinks to herself. But still. There's a tragically romantic feeling that she isn’t alone.)

What's probably bothering her more than Luke’s lack of excitement for the holidays is the fact that she doesn’t know where it is coming from. He didn’t have the greatest relationship with his parents, but she knew about that, and as far as she was concerned it didn’t have anything to do with Christmas.

(Maybe a bad childhood memory? A close relative’s passing?)

For some reason, walking up to him and asking him what’s up doesn’t seem like it would be effective. Luke is the king of faking his emotions and playing them down -- especially for Julie. If she just asked, it would not get her anywhere. 

So, maybe she keeps pushing the Christmas thing a little more, just trying to get him to break. It might be cruel, but it’s all she’s got. He will only tell her if he’s ready. And she’s just trying to push along that process, is all. 

When Flynn rushes up to her that day, though, bursting with excitement, Julie thinks she might be the one ready to bear the depths of her soul instead of Luke. 

“I think you guys should do a holiday concert over break! We can post about it on social, it’ll be just like your garage party from last month, and people can come with their families and celebrate for the night.”

Julie can’t think of anything she wants to do less. Learning Jingle Bells for a little post-dinner fun is one thing, but creating an entire set of holiday songs for her classmates and their neighbors requires spirit. Energy.

Both of which her and Luke seem to be lacking. 

(Maybe Reggie can just pump something out on the banjo and they can call it a night.)

“Flynn… I’m not sure. That’s a lot of songs to learn for one night.”

“Oh, come on! They’re like the easiest songs in the book! Wouldn’t it be fun?”

(Not really.)

But, Julie doesn’t want to be a Scrooge. Maybe when it gets closer to Christmas, she’ll be feeling better. 

“I’ll talk to the guys,” she tells Flynn, who excitedly claps her hands and begins typing rapidly away on her phone -- presumably to begin designing the Instagram post that will be released as soon as Julie agreed to the idea. 

The bell rings and the two have to part moments later. Julie wonders if something is wrong with her for the rest of the day. 

What she doesn’t know is that Luke has been at home feeling the same way. When Reggie and Alex think that they are being quiet as they sit with Carlos as he does his homework, the two bandmates talk about the dinners that they used to eat with their families during the holidays, the presents that they got, and the traditions that they had. 

Luke used to watch his dad drag their tree through the front door every December. His mom would lose pounds of sweat from running around the kitchen and from the oven to the stove. It was Christmas, when he was six, that they bought him his first guitar. 

It was Christmas Eve, when he was seventeen, that he left because of that guitar. 

He feels so guilty -- he’s being a total downer to the guys, to himself, and to Julie. 

(Maybe he should talk to her. Yeah. That’s a good idea.)

He poofs into the garage from his position in the driveway, curling around his songbook to maybe get his stupid feelings out of his head and into a song. 

(Nothing comes out.)

Frustrated, he grabs a pair of the old headphones that Julie dug out of a box and plugs them into the big stereo they keep in the garage. Trifling through the large selection of CDs they have, he finds  _ Nevermind _ , flops down on the couch, and closes his eyes. 

When Julie gets home from school, she sees Carlos sitting with Reggie and Alex in the living room. Her little brother is diligently working on his homework (which means that Reggie has probably been feeding him answers left and right), but when he sees her, he jumps up. 

“Julie! You’re home!  _ Finally.” _

She gives Carlos a small smile as he gets up from the couch, Reggie and Alex following. 

“Hi Julie,” Alex hums, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Reggie looks just as happy. 

“Hi you guys. What’s up?”

“I need you to do me a favor,” Carlos tells her. Reggie and Alex seem to be glowing with excitement. 

“Hmm, okay. Shoot.”

“Jake is getting some guys from class together to go to the ice skating rink this weekend. His older brother is coming, which means it's a no-parents thing, which means it's a  _ cool kid _ thing. If I ask Dad, he’s gonna want to come. But if I ask Dad after  _ you’ve _ agreed to chaperone, then my reputation stays solid.”

It’s a fifth-grade request. Stupid to her now, but she’s young enough to remember being Carlos’s age. Plus, it might be nice to get out of the house and have some time to herself. 

Reggie and Alex activate their jazz hands after Carlos tells her the news, letting out a little “ta-da” that reminds her of Luke. 

(Where  _ is _ Luke?)

“You know that Dad has been weird about me driving alone,” she starts, making sure that Carlos is prepared to put up a fight. “But if you can make a good argument, then I’ll bring you for sure. That sounds like fun.”

The feeling of Carlos, Reggie, and Alex’s arms around her makes her smile the widest that she has probably all day. 

“You’re the best sister ever,” Carlos tells her. She knows that in an hour, he'll probably be calling her an idiot or something, but she can bask in the moment for now. 

“I know, I know. It’s the least I can do. Now go and do your homework. Dad won’t let you go anywhere if you’re slacking.”

With one final ruffle of his hair, Carlos assumes his previous position on the couch with his journal in his lap. Reggie goes back to join him, and Alex follows Julie up to her bedroom, where she’s going to drop off her backpack before hunting Luke down. 

Speaking of… 

“Hey, where’s Luke?”

Alex shrugs. 

“I think he went to visit his parents today, but that was a while ago. I don’t know where he is now.”

Julie sighs. She just wants a hug. And she wants it from Luke. 

“Has he been a little… Off, to you?”

Alex looks caught, and she knows he has information that she doesn’t. 

“Yeah. Christmas makes him… Sensitive, lets say.”

“More than usual?”

“More than usual,” the blonde chuckles. Julie nods as she unpacks her journals and binders onto her desk. 

“And I’m guessing you won’t tell me why?”

She hears the drummer sigh beside her.

“He’ll tell you when he’s ready, Jules. You know how he doesn’t like you to think anything is wrong.”

“I know, it’s just…” She takes a deep breath. Maybe the depths of her soul can surface, just for a little. Alex is like her mature older brother, after all. “I know I’ve been all excited about Christmas, but it’s really because my mom died before Christmas last year, and I’ve kind of been dreading it this year. Now, with you guys, I’m… I’m hoping that it won’t be so bad. My dad and Carlos seem to be doing well, because we’ve all been coping so well, so they don’t know that I’m not really feeling it this year. And I’m worried I’ve been projecting this all onto you guys and giving you this responsibility to do a ton for Christmas with us, and that he’s feeling it, and now he’s going to start pushing away and-”

“Julie.” 

She stops; Alex is looking at her with kind eyes. He reaches out to pull her into a hug, and while she still wants Luke, the comfort is relieving. 

“Just… Wait for him,” he whispers to her. “He wants to make you happy. Maybe you can talk to him at the ice rink this weekend? Reggie and I will be too busy trying to spin around and trip people to bother you guys.”

A loud, genuine laugh pops up through Julie’s lips. 

“Okay. That sounds good.”

“Good.” The drummer lets her go, but maintains a light grasp on her shoulders. “And I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling like this. You can always talk to us. We’re your family, Jules.”

Suddenly teary, Julie nods, more like she’s trying to reassure herself. While her dad and Carlos are great, she is so happy that they’ve been doing so well that she is willing to sacrifice her emotional health to prevent stunting theirs. Having the band and the guys who are unafraid to reminisce on their family struggles and personal grief has taken away a lot of that burden, and she couldn’t be more grateful for them. She just needs to remember that they can be there for her like she is for them.

“I know. Thanks.” Wiping her eyes, she thinks to reciprocate. “Aside from Luke, how have you and Reggie been doing?”

“Lets just say we like our new family a lot better than our old ones.” He gives Julie a painful smile. “We’re really excited to have this first Christmas.” They share a soft glance, before he finally lets his hands drop back to his sides. “Go find Luke. He needs you a lot right now.”

(The aforementioned “he” is currently in his feelings on the couch in the garage, still. And he’s been trying to forget about how eager he is to see Julie so that he can cheer up.)

A hesitant touch on his arm jolts him to awareness, and he sees the girl he’s been thinking about standing above him with concerned eyes. Even though seeing her makes him feel better, he was just in a serious emotional low; and so he gives her a bit of a forced smile. 

It’s unconvincing. 

In response, as if she knew he needed it, she crawls onto the couch, practically on top of him. She reaches up and pulls the headphones from his head and tosses them to the floor so that she doesn’t tangle herself in the wires, and settles her head on his chest. Her head turns, just a little, to press a kiss to his sternum and he feels it through his think shirt. 

Without hesitation, he slips both of his arms around her; one around her waist and another up by her neck and hair. 

"What's this for?" 

His voice is hushed, not wanting to cause Julie somehow to move anywhere but closer to him. The tense sadness that had been brewing in his head releases for a moment of pure peace -- with Julie in his arms and Nirvana softly still playing in the headphones that are long forgotten on the floor.

“You’ve been sad lately,” she mumbles into the air like a secret. His heart crushes at the fact that she noticed. Instead of trying to fight it, he sighs into her hair. 

“I’m sorry,” he says wistfully. “I know how excited you are for Christmas. I’m just… I don’t know. When I left, you know, my parents -- it was on Christmas Eve.”

Tilting her head up, her chin is now resting on his chest as she looks up at him through her long eyelashes. Luke contemplates starting to count them as they lock eyes -- and he knows he is powerless against her. He doesn’t know when his favorite color became brown; but it was probably somewhere in between the first time he got to touch her warm skin and the first time he felt her curly hair against his face when he kissed her on the head.

But anyways. She’s talking to him, and he may or may not have accidentally tuned her out.

“Sorry, can you say that again?”

“Luke,” she sighs, “if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay, just say so-”

“No, that’s not it, I-” A prickling heat creeps up his neck. “I was just… Distracted.”  _ By you _ , he thinks. She doesn’t seem to catch on. 

“You’re distracted a lot.” She whispers it this time, soft and sad. Almost like a part of her doesn’t want him to hear it. She lays her head back down against his chest, breaking their eye contact. He desperately wants to say  _ it’s you, you take the air out of my lungs even though I don’t breathe.  _ But he doesn’t know how to say that without sounding… Insane.

“Hey, it’s not what you think, I…” She remains still, but he knows she’s listening. “I only get distracted when you’re around.  _ Because _ you’re around.”

Julie stays alarmingly quiet. 

“Julie?” He quickly rubs his hand back and forth across her shoulder to try and capture her attention. “Jules?”

“I don’t know what you mean when you say stuff like that.”

“What?”   
  
“What do you mean by ‘I only get distracted when you’re around, because you’re around’? What am I supposed to do with that?”

Luke freezes at her tone. He doesn’t know what he wants her to “do with it” -- he just knows he meant it. And he doesn’t want her to think that he doesn’t care about what she’s saying, because he does. Immensely. 

“I mean you’re beautiful,” he finds himself saying. “You’re like this epic orange sunset, the kind that turns all of the clouds pink, and I have a perfect view, and I can’t just  _ not look. _ ” 

He doesn’t regret telling her the truth. In fact, it only lifts one emotional burden off of his shoulders to make room for the one that comes with the holidays. 

Luke doesn’t even really notice Julie gaping at him -- lying frozen against his chest, unsure of what to make of a compliment like that. It reminds her of that line from Romeo & Juliet: “I am the East, and Juliet is the Sun.”

So, she does the only thing she can think of, and tightens herself around his body. She feels his arms squeeze her towards him.

“We’re going to the ice skating rink this weekend,” she tells him, wanting to change the subject from her burning cheeks and fluttering stomach. “By we, I mean all of us. You included. It might cheer you up.”

Luke finds himself dozing off having Julie around him like a blanket, and half-asleep, he doesn’t hate the sound of going out with the band for a night of winter fun. 

“I’m in,” he mumbles tiredly. His consciousness drifts away not long after.

\----

That weekend, a carful of five crawl into Ray’s car to head to the ice rink. 

“Always signal when you’re going to turn,” Julie’s dad tells her, looking at her worried through the driver’s seat window. “And try to find a parking spot far away. And don’t forget to lock the car when you all go inside-”

“Papa, I know you’re worried, but I got this. It’s going to be fine.”

“Famous last words,” he grumbles in return. Walking towards the backseat door, he taps on the window where Carlos is right on the other side. “Buckled in?”

“All ready!” Four voices chorus -- Carlos, Reggie, Alex, and Luke. Carlos technically couldn’t sit in the front seat yet, so Luke called shotgun while Reggie purposely placed himself in the middle and Alex took the other window seat. Even though they have no benefit from wearing a seatbelt seeing as the three of them are, you know, dead; they can hear the scolding voices of their parents every time they consider taking the belts off. 

  
  


“Okay. Have fun, and drive safe! Text me when you get there and when you are leaving.”

“Got it. Love you!”   
  


“Love you too, mijos.”

The ice skating rink is packed on arrival. Children aged from three to thirteen are running around with their friends and through the three ghosts. A distinct chill nips at Julie from all angles -- influencing Luke to pull her to a secluded corner of the rink to unwrap himself from his jacket and cover her with it instead. 

“Sorry,” she looks up at him, bashful. “I thought my sweatshirt would be enough.”

“Don’t be sorry.” He pulls her forward by the collar, pressing a light kiss to her forehead -- alarmed at how freezing it feels. “I don’t have any use for it anyways.”

(The sentiment is enough to get her to stop breathing for an entire ten seconds. It reminds her of the day at school when Luke just couldn’t seem to get enough of her -- what happened to that? Is that Luke making a comeback?)

((It’s not like she prefers him to only ever be happy all of the time. That would be unfair. She just hates to see him upset, andis desperate to fix it like he’s helped her so many times.))

They rejoin the group just as Carlos finds his friend Jake and takes off in a mad dash to go skate with his friends. Julie barely musters a “be careful!” before he is out of earshot and out of reach for the next couple of hours. Reggie, Alex and Luke stand on both sides of her, staring out at the filled rink of children and teens and adults either expertly or disastrously skating around. 

“Whoa, look at him!” Reggie gawks, pointing out a twelve year old boy who is speedskating past people and alarming many parents with young children. “Alex, can we?”   
  
Alex’s eyes narrow. 

“Let’s go.”

Luke and Julie stand behind the glass as Reggie and Alex poof straight onto the ice and position themselves up ahead of where the kid is about to skate next. 

“Are they about to-”

“Yeah. They’ve always hated those obnoxious kids who act like they’re at the Olympics.”

To look up at Luke, Julie glances away from the ice for a second -- and when she looks back, the boy is on the ice. 

“Oh my God,” she gasps as Reggie and Alex high-five. 

“Yeah. He’ll be fine.”

Silence falls upon them, dominated by the rowdy conversations of other skaters and the soft hum of Christmas music through the rink. Julie doesn’t know what to do next -- maybe get Luke a hot cocoa? He had seemed a little… Uplifted the past couple of days leading up to the trip. She doesn’t know if it was because of their conversation, or something else. 

Luke Patterson is just an annoyingly tough nut to crack. 

“Wanna get some hot cocoa?” She asks him, voice pushed down by the loud skaters. She doesn’t even worry about anyone noticing that she’s talking to thin air. Her right hand reaches out to him, gently letting her fingers brush against his. He looks down at their hands and then back up to her, where she’s smiling up at him carefully. 

(His heart melts -- just a tad.)

“Yeah. Let’s go.” He does that little head nod towards the concessions counter paired with a sweet smirk, and they walk over side by side. 

Julie orders a large cocoa with extra whipped cream, and Luke watches with a sting of guilt as he watches her hand the cashier three wrinkly dollar bills. As they move aside, Julie notices the conflicted look on his face:

“What’s wrong?”

“I wish I could pay.”

She gives him a confused look; he continues. 

“You know, like any other guy does when he’s…”

“Oh!” It finally hits her, like a butterfly released in her stomach. “ _ Oh _ . Right. Yeah.”

After a pause, the moment is interrupted by the barista placing the tall paper cup of hot chocolate in front of them; whipped cream piled high. Julie and Luke jolt at the sound of the paper hitting the counter. After Julie thanks the young woman, she turns around to find a bench far away from the main action of the concessions area. 

Stumbling around with her skates on, she feels Luke’s arm rest around her waist to steady her as she tries not to spill the hot chocolate in her hands. Once she is safely at the bench, Luke slides in right next to her.

  
  


“You want some?” She asks while observing him eye her cup. He looks back to her guiltily. 

“Just some of the whipped cream.”   
  
She glances around to make sure no one is watching them, and nods; Luke swipes his finger through the mountain of whipped cream and slips it into his mouth. Smiling like a little kid with whipped cream still at the corners of his mouth, he thanks her. 

While she starts drinking the cocoa, they remain silent for a few moments. She feels Luke’s eyes on her, and she doesn’t know if she should feel uncomfortable and judged, or flattered. 

“Am I doing the sunset thing again?” She smirks, trying to fill the silence. He blinks as the pink on his face darkens. 

“You’re always doing the sunset thing,” he responds blatantly. To hide her grin and try and find something to think about that isn’t him, she lifts her cup to drink more. It burns down her throat -- but is a nice distraction from the way it feels like her brain is vibrating in her head as a result of Luke’s flirting.

(He  _ is _ flirting, right?)

((He is.))

They sit in an awkward, teenaged-crush silence while Julie drinks her cocoa and nudges it closer to Luke every few moments for him to sneak some whipped cream. At one point, Luke abruptly extends his hand towards her -- which she eyes suspiciously, but doesn’t flinch away from -- and cups her cheek, using his thumb to slowly wipe some whipped cream from the side of her face.

He flashes his thumb towards her to reveal evidence of the white substance before placing his thumb against his mouth and licking it off. 

(A burning rolls through Julie, but it’s lower than usual. She crosses her legs and ignores it.)

“So, do you feel like having an emotions talk now, or would you rather wait to do it when you’re holding me up from falling on the ice?”

Even though he knows what she wants to talk about, he gives her a small grin and slips out off of the bench, holding his hand out to her. 

“I feel like the latter would put us on an even playing field. So I vote on the ice.”

Rolling her eyes but knowing he has a valid point, she subtly clasps his hand and begins hobbling towards the ice. 

As soon as she takes a step onto the ice, her arms are flailing in search of Luke, who is by her side in an instant. She doesn’t even care if she looks like she is holding onto air at this point -- she needs Luke there. And he is the only thing that is currently keeping her upright. 

“Thanks,” she sighs, straightening up. Luke keeps his hold around her waist as she begins to skate along slowly. It takes her a moment to find her rhythm, but Luke keeps her steady, and he is only truly focused on her as she tries to focus on, you know,  _ not falling. _

“So…” He starts, wondering if now was the time she wanted to talk about him and his feelings, or if she wanted to be self-sustaining before starting that conversation.

“Right. So.” Julie finds her footing, and continues. Many people skate past them, and she notices them staring -- wondering how in the world she is going that slow yet is not clutching the wall for dear life, and why she is talking to herself. “You ran away on Christmas Eve.”

“Yeah,” Luke nods, running his tongue over his dry lips. Don’t ask how they are suddenly dry -- it’s from the cold which shouldn’t even be affecting him in the first place. 

“And judging by how you’ve been acting a lot lately, you aren’t really in the Christmas spirit because of that.”

Silent, Luke repeats the nodding motion. He’s letting her lead the conversation because at this point he honestly cannot tell where it is going. 

“Well, I wanted to apologize.”

He stops walking alongside her -- and as a result, she stops skating. Her balance waivers, just briefly, but it’s enough for him to step even closer to her and tighten his arm fully around her waist. 

“Sorry, I- It sounded like you said you wanted to apologize.”   
  
“I did.”

“Why?”

Julie notices Carlos skating by and giving her a weird look, and that’s her cue to gesture to Luke that they should keep skating to avoid making her look like she’s off her rocker. She notes that Luke is hovering closer by, and it warms her up as much as his coat does. 

“Well, I realize that I have been talking a lot about Christmas coming up, and how excited I am to spend it with the band… And I’m sorry if I’ve been putting any pressure on you to feel a certain way about the holidays. I’ve made all of these unrealistic expectations because my mom died before Christmas last year, so I got so excited that this year might be different -- and I wasn’t even properly considering how you, or any of the guys might feel. So I’m sorry.”

Luke is tempted to stop in his tracks once again, but maintains his composure well enough to remember that they are still (unfortunately) in a public place. At the same time, he is reminded strongly of their location after a careless skater soars right through him and way too close to Julie -- to which he stares daggers into the skater’s back, even though they can’t see. 

His heart aches at the thought that she thinks she’s been making him feel pressure to be anything that he is not. If anything, she’s the person who has been making him feel more hopeful about the holidays this year, no matter how depressing it is for him and the guys to cope with the fact that they are celebrating with a new family who isn’t the one they are used to. 

The thing about Julie Molina is that she feels like every happy part about the holidays rolled into one little person. She’s the sparkle and joy and selflessness and music that everyone wishes they could feel all of the time. 

(Luke actually does feel it all of the time, because he’s lucky enough to have her.)

((God, he loves her.))

“Julie, you don’t have to apologize. There’s nothing to be sorry for. I mean, I’ve been happier around you because you make me happy. That’s all there is to it. It isn’t acting. You make me remember the fun things about the holidays that I miss. It’s just that when it’s over, I’m… I don’t know. I’m mourning, I guess. It sounds like we’ve been mourning the holidays together without knowing.”

Julie has to blink away the tears that rise in her eyes, avoiding looking at Luke directly because if she does she will definitely cry. Instead, she pulls his arm around her so that his right hand is almost on top of her stomach and she can cover his hand with her own. 

The words “you make me happy too, that’s why I’ve been acting so excited” are on the tip of her tongue, but she decides not to say them. After that, it feels like all she would have left to say is “I’m in love with you,” and she doesn’t know if either of them are ready for where that conversation will lead. 

“I kinda thought about it like that too,” she says instead, smiling sorrowfully while All I Want For Christmas Is You plays around them. “The ‘us mourning the holidays’ thing, I mean.”

“Well, great minds think alike.”

If her cheeks get pink at his smirk, she blames it on the cold. 

\---

When they pull into the driveway afterwards, Reggie and Alex race each other to the shower -- both want the first shower so that they can get the hottest water -- and Carlos is sprinting inside to inhale a hot dinner after a night of ice skating with all of his friends. 

Luke and Julie are the ones who hang back out in front.

“Tonight was actually fun,” Luke observes, painfully aware of how Julie’s hand keeps hitting his as they make their way towards the house and garage at turtle speed. 

“Yeah. I mean, I only fell once. On my butt. Which is still sore.”

Luke lets out such a loud laugh that it takes Julie by surprise.

“I left for one second to go help Reggie steal a soft pretzel and when I come back you’re wiped out! I didn’t realize you needed me that much, Jules.”

“I always need you,” she finds herself saying, and her eyes widen with realization. “I mean, I don’t  _ always  _ need you. If anything it’s more of a  _ want-” _   
  
“You always  _ want _ me?”

“Yes!  _ No _ , wait, I mean-”

“No, I get what you mean,” Luke insists, fighting a smile that could light up a football stadium. “I think, at least. And… I always  _ want _ , and/or  _ need, _ you too.”

His words go through her ears and down her throat and burrow deep into her stomach, which she feels in every cell in her body. They have once again found themselves at the trademark crossroads of approaching a love confession, and Julie knows she  _ needs _ to walk away before anything happens but it’s the last thing she  _ wants _ to do.

“Julie?” Luke’s voice brings her eyes to refocus. 

“Yeah?” Her voice sounds raspy and flustered. She prays he doesn’t notice. 

But he does -- he really does notice -- and it spurs him on to take a step towards her, into her personal space bubble, and raise his hand to curl around her neck. The look in his eyes is making her completely lose sense of reality, but she can’t help but reciprocate. 

“Luke…”

“Sorry, you’re just-- You’re doing the sunset thing again,” he whispers like it’s the secret to his happiness. Their foreheads are dangerously close to touching. 

“I thought I was always doing the sunset thing.” It’s not her sexiest comeback, but it’s something that is trying to keep this whole thing under control.

(It lost control about ninety seconds ago. But, a girl can try.)

At least it makes Luke smile at her dorkiness.

“You are. But sometimes I just can’t help myself.”

Without restraint, Julie tilts her forehead to meet his. The connection releases a sigh from both of them.

“ _ Help yourself? _ From-”

_ “Julie!” _

(Remind her to suffocate Carlos in his sleep later.)

The speed in which Julie springs apart from Luke could set a world record, and her blush might have discovered a new shade of reddish pink. She refuses to even look in Luke’s direction for the time being. 

“What?” She calls back to her younger brother, who is currently on the porch, looking at her with annoyance. 

“Dad has dinner ready, and he wants you to come inside and start warming up!”

“I’ll be there in one sec!”

“Well, hurry!”

Anger boils inside of her as she watches Carlos stomp back inside. Now, it’s just her and Luke again, and she’s pretty sure that she almost just had her first kiss which is seriously freaking her out, and-

“You’re hungry, aren’t you? Why don’t you go inside? We can hang out later,” she hears Luke say.

(Oh, fuck it.)

Her hands fly to his face and guide him towards her with a quickness that might even beat how fast she parted from him moments before. The kiss is rushed, and adrenaline-packed, and messy -- but the way that Luke instantly grips her hips and essentially melds himself to her is all that she’s ever needed. 

Her calves tire out from her standing on her tiptoes, and she is ending the kiss as soon as she started it. Luke’s hair is tousled, and his lips are rosy, and his pupils are dilated -- almost enough for her to kiss him again. But the embarrassment of kissing him is overpowering any other needs or wants she has at the moment. 

Without looking him in the eye, she takes off down the driveway and toward the house. 

“Wait-- Jules!”

Flustered and breathing heavy, she turns back to him with an attempt at a coy smile. 

“Mistletoe! Gotta keep up tradition. See you tomorrow!”

In shock, Luke wordlessly watches Julie disappear into her house like a hurricane that just passed through. Shaking his head, he tilts his head to look at the tree above him, and just as he suspected -- no mistletoe in sight. 

A laugh escapes him at the same time his brows furrow. Unable to think of anything else to do, he starts stumbling to the garage, knowing he won’t be able to think about anything else for the next week. 

(Maybe the holidays won’t be so bad this year after all.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was never planned for them to kiss at ANY point during this fic, not in any of these chapters at all. IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. but I would have been such a bitch to bait you guys like that and not give any follow-through. I am nothing if not a woman who knows her audience!!!
> 
> thank you all so much for reading, as always i love to see your comments and just really appreciate everything you give me. 
> 
> ps. idk if any of y'all read "cinnamon" too but can you tell I hc Alex as Jewish


	4. iv. the mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> julie is on her period, and she's in love wth luke, and they go to the mall together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MADDIE POSTED THE SUIT PICS FROM HER PROMO FOR THE PROM SO THIS IS AN ODE TO THAT. YALL WILL KNOW WHEN YOU KNOW AHSHD
> 
> also more hype for women being on their period and having guys show them some mfing respect!!! yeah i've seen the fics about julie in bed while the guys take care of her but i want luke to see her living her life while on her period. 
> 
> this also took a long time to write because there were so many things that needed to happen

Julie Molina is three things: On her period, carrying some saved up allowance in her pocket, and missing Luke. 

After the ice skating rink incident two weeks ago, they had been dancing around each other like some sort of sacrificial routine. Reggie and Alex had felt it -- and on two separate occasions, got the truth out of both of them, once with Luke while they were at the beach and once with Julie while they went to hang out with her at school.

Speaking of school: Luke hadn’t even gone to school with her in a long time. 

His absence hurt her, even if she wouldn’t admit it to anyone except for Alex, Reggie and Flynn. She’s kind of just waiting for him to take it any farther -- she kissed him, that’s a pretty massive move, the ball’s in his court now.

(RIGHT?!)

((She wishes her mom were here for moments like this.))

The issue is, she’s worried she is being too sensitive. Luke and her still hug every day before school and write songs and he’s even started calling her “Sunset” following their conversation the day of the ice rink. 

She’s just worked up in her head that the fact that he hasn’t tried to, you know, _kiss her again_ , means he isn’t interested like that. 

(The rejection is still seeping in, because when she’s with him, all of her rational thoughts disappear. Like nothing is wrong. Like he actually likes [loves] her back. He gives her puppy dog eyes and bites his lip and ties her hair back for her when she’s doing homework. It’s when she’s not with him that she has too much time to overthink every interaction they’d shared in the last 24 hours, and she realizes that he has not attempted to go beyond the line they had set before she -- oh God -- kissed him.)

Here’s the issue. While things may seem fine on the surface, Julie knows that something is so, incredibly off between them. He hasn’t gone to school with her, her stomach sinks when they embrace, and he never looks at her for too long. On the other hand, she never looks at him for too long. 

(One time she did, during rehearsal, and Luke completely lost the beat. He kept his eyes down and focused on his guitar the rest of the hour.)

Now, on the grand Saturday morning that her period has decided to pop in and remind her that she isn’t pregnant; she is even more emotional about the thing with Luke. 

And she’s going to do something about it. 

(After she changes her sweats, because her period made herself _known_ last night.)

Her bloody, discarded pants and underwear are placed in the sink to soak while she gets cleaned up and slips on a fresh pair of both. Then, she returns to her room to begin removing her fitted sheet to start doing the same thing -- only to be interrupted by the one guy on her mind.

“Morning Boss!” Julie jumps, and she can’t quite tell if her heart is beating so quickly out of shock or because his hair is a little messy and reminiscent of the night that she kissed him. “Sorry,” he says, sheepishly. “I just wanted to come see-”

He stops mid-sentence, eyes locked on her bed -- specifically, the round spot of blood. 

“Are you okay?!”

Even though she’s practically four steps away, he poofs over to her -- quicker, she supposes -- and grabs her by the shoulders so that he can give her a once over (and a twice over) and check her body for any wounds. 

Julie can’t fight her giggles, grasping Luke’s hands and lightly pulling them down to swing between them.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just my period. Or, as you would like to call it, _girl stuff_.”

Luke blushes at the memory of mocking her dream box in the early days of their friendship, and then his mind wanders back to the blood. 

“... I didn’t know there was so much blood,” he comments. 

(A faint, blinding memory of blood on his shirt from how much he was throwing up in the ambulance flashes in front of his eyes.)

“Yeah,” Julie shrugs. “I just clean it up.”

“And this happens… Every month?”

“Just about, yeah.”

Looking away from the bed, Julie catches Luke sending her a sorrowful look. His hands seem to be twitching at his sides -- a nervous tick, Julie guesses.

“What’s wrong?”  
  
His hands fumble with his jean chains. 

(He wants to touch her.)

“I didn’t know it was this bad. Isn’t your stomach supposed to hurt or something, too?”

Julie hates how her stomach turns. She hates this feeling that something is wrong when he probably doesn’t care (he does), and that she’s making this awkwardness up in her head (she’s not). She shouldn’t have kissed him. Exactly what both of them should have anticipated, that things would be awkward if anything happened, happened. 

Or, maybe that pain in her stomach isn’t her love for Luke trying to escape. Maybe it is that pain that she’s supposed to have. 

“My uterus, actually, but yeah. I kinda have them right now. I’ll get an Advil when I get breakfast-”

“Why don’t I get it for you now?”

It’s either her period or her heartbreak, but Julie wants to cry. 

“No, I-” She shakes her head, suddenly unable to properly form the words she wants to say. “It’ll be most effective if I have food in my stomach. Then I’ll be fine.”

“Right,” he nods, knitting his eyebrows together in contemplation because he should have known that. He shouldn’t have seemed so desperate. Every interaction he’s had with her lately ends with him kicking himself for one reason or another. 

The two of them stand in silence for a moment before the tension rises to a point where both of them start to speak-

“I was actually going to ask you-”  
  
“I want to see if-”

They stop with an awkward chuckle, and Luke does probably the most awkward hand gesture known to man to try and get her to continue.  
  


“You first, Jules.”

“Thanks,” she sighs. “I was just saying I was actually going to ask if you wanted to, uh, go to the mall today? I have some money to spend and wanted a shopping buddy.”

“Flynn’s busy?”  
  


“Flynn forces way too much leopard print and neon colors on me for my taste.”

The comment makes both of them laugh, genuinely; temporarily lightening the energy in the room. Julie spends way too long trying to read Luke’s face, wondering if the offer was enticing to him in any way or if she was just making a fool out of herself once again. 

(If it’s the latter, she may never be able to look him in the eyes again.)

“I understand that. Alex used to try and give me something pink for my birthday every year.” His hand goes behind his neck to do that nervous tick that she’s grown oh-so used to, and she wonders what he’s nervous about. Has she really fucked all of this up? “And, it’s kind of funny, because I wanted to know if you were free to hang out today.”

Julie lets out a sigh of relief without thinking about it, and tries to brush it off -- but he notices. He always notices when it’s her. 

“Really?”

(She sounds too hopeful. Fuck.)

At least Luke smiles at her reaction. 

“Yeah. Glad we’re on the same page.”

“I believe it was you who said ‘great minds think alike’ at the ice rink,” Julie comments, fondly, before realizing what she just rehashed. 

(Ice rink. Kissing. Hating herself. You know the drill by now.)

“Well, then this only proves my point, doesn’t it?” Julie can barely muscle a smile in response before letting her eyes comfortably drop back to her feet. “You- You’re okay to go to the mall, right? Your, uh-” He gestures to her stomach, recalling that she corrected him but still hesitant to explicitly call out her uterus. “You’re not in too much pain?”

“No,” Julie chuckles softly. “I’ll be good.” 

“Great.” Luke rolls his lips together, the both of them taking sudden interest in the walls of Julie’s room instead of each other. 

(Luke’s hands fall into his pockets because if he let them be free any longer they would end up grabbing Julie and wrapping her in his arms. Which is, in his opinion, a little impulsive.)

“So,” Julie starts, “Give me like an hour to get ready and eat something and then I’ll meet you in the garage?”

“I’ll be there.”

Luke lingers for a brief second before giving her -- no joke -- _finger guns_ , and poofing out. 

Helplessly, Julie plops down onto the bed next to the red stain. 

“Luke Patterson,” she mumbles into the empty space, “I love you.” 

(It feels good to say it, just this once. Even if she isn’t saying it to him.)

\---

Julie’s outfit of choice is a comfy, lilac purple sweater tucked into a black and white gingham patterned skirt. She even decides to wear her glasses today. Paired with her black and white hightop converse, she grabs her purse from her nightstand and heads downstairs to the garage -- but not before getting stopped by Ray on her way out. 

“You have your phone, right? And pepper spray?”

“Yes, Papa. I have everything. And I’ll be fine, Luke’s coming, remember?”  
  
“Luke, bless his heart, is a ghost. If a man attacks you in the parking lot then Luke might have a hard time coming to your defense.”

“But, he _will_ be able to come back here and tell you what happened.”

(Not the best time to make a joke about getting kidnapped to her dad. It was more of a Gen Z-specific line anyways.)

Ray looks less than pleased, immediately guilting Julie into an apology. She puts her hands up in surrender while slowly backing up to the front door, because if she wants anything, it’s for this conversation to end. 

(Poor girl is too emotionally raw to face the reminder of Luke’s physical state.)

“Sorry, Papa. I know I shouldn’t joke. Now, I really gotta go, I don’t want Luke to think I’m blowing him off. I’m already a few minutes late.”

“Mija, you could ignore him for a day and that boy would be on his knees and apologize to you. I don’t think a few minutes is going to ruin things.”

Julie remains silent. She honestly doesn’t know what has the potential to ruin things anymore -- if she hasn’t done it already. Ray sounds like he knows something that she doesn’t.

(He does, obviously. He knows that Luke is in love with his daughter, and his daughter is in love with Luke, and Luke is a ghost, but if that isn’t stopping Julie then who is he to try and control it?)

“But anyways, have a good day and call me if you need anything.”  
  
“Gracias, Papa. Love you!”  
  
“Love you too, mija.”

Julie’s shoulders instantly relax when the front door clicks shut behind her. She’s on edge because her period seems to be heightening every emotion she has been feeling usually. Her father’s teasing is bothering her more, Luke’s unusual behavior whenever they talk is like a hammer to the heart, and she really needs to spend some money just to feel a spike of dopamine or the next three days will suck even harder. 

(Ignore her complaints -- she’s just really, really in a state.)

“Jules? You okay?”  
  
The object of her affection’s voice scares her so vividly that her heart rate considerably raises. He’s standing by the gate, switching his weight from one foot to the other, and wearing a Nirvana tee with the sleeves cut off (unsurprisingly). His rings glisten in the sunlight, next to his jean chains, and a thought on how fucking hot he looks is not lost on Julie. 

A deep gulp passes through her throat. 

“Yeah,” she breathes, “I’m good. Ready to go?”  
  
(He’s been ready for about ten minutes, after Alex and Reggie helped him choose what to wear. They made fun of him for the amount of pure panic he was displaying about going to hang out with Julie-

“It’s so cute that you’re excited for your first date-”

“It isn’t a date, Alex! She can barely look me in the eye.”

“Because you haven’t given her dust since she kissed you.”  
  
“Reggie, I told you-”

“You aren’t ruining the band if you want to be with her, bro.”

“Yeah. We know you love her. It’s okay.”

-And Luke couldn’t bring himself to deny that fact to his best friends. He loved her one hell of a lot. But they don't realize it's not just the band -- Julie's alive. They aren't. His bandmates seem much more cool, somehow, about that barrier. Luke doesn't know how when it's all he thinks about.)

“Yeah,” he nods, carefully watching her make her way down the stairs and towards him. Her curls are out and unrestricted today -- which is his favorite way to see them -- and he can’t help but admire her while she walks. Julie Molina could make a burlap sack flattering, but the particular sweater she’s wearing is exactly the type that would be perfect for him to curl his hands into if he pushed her against a wall and-

(Oh my God, he needs to stop or he won’t make it through the day.)

“Luke?” She’s right in front of him now, observing as he blinks a handful of times before his pupils shrink back up and his face returns to its resting smirk. 

“Sorry, yeah. Let’s go.”

He lifts his left hand to push the gate open, moving aside afterwards to allow her to go first. He catches her eyes as she is brushing past him, and the only thing he can think is that he wants her to wear glasses all of the time. She never wears them out, he knows, and doesn’t know why she’s doing it now, but he loves them. 

(He should tell her. He doesn’t know how.) 

Once they are in the car, Julie passes him her phone, which he looks at with shock. While Julie had taught him long ago how her phone worked, her trusting him with it was a new feature. 

“You’re the DJ.”

Cautiously, he pulls the device from her fingers. 

“You sure?”  
  
“Yeah,” she says, starting the car. “You can play whatever you want as long as it’s off of one of my playlists.”

“Ah, that’s the catch.”

“I happen to think it’s perfectly fair.”

All that Luke can do is chuckle to himself, feeling relieved at their causal banter as he watches Julie look behind them while backing the car out of the driveway. She’s focused, in a way he only sees while she drives, and it fills him with fondness. 

Once he realizes he’s been staring awhile, he switches his attention to her phone and trifling through her collection of Spotify playlists. 

“‘ _Kill all men_ ’? That’s… a name. Surrounded by three dead guys and all you wanna do is make more, huh?”

A laugh emits from Julie that Luke hasn’t heard in a long time. It’s loud and genuine and happy, and it’s presence takes both of them by surprise. 

“It’s when I have a bad day or I’m mad and just want to go punch a stranger in the face.”  
  
“A male stranger, to be specific?”  
  
“Any stranger. Flynn came up with the name as a joke.”

She briefly takes her eyes off of the road to look at him, and he looks at her, and suddenly, things are okay. Julie feels this love and admiration emanating from Luke which is impossible to ignore; she feels it all of the time, but right now, when they aren’t in rehearsal and she isn’t Julie of Julie and the Phantoms, it means the most. 

“‘ _Play this at my funeral_ ’?” Luke pipes up once again. “We really got you on a death kick.”

“It’s all Kesha and late 2000s dance music. Unless you wanna feel fly like a G6, keep looking.”

Luke ignores the fact that he has absolutely no clue what that means. 

“Well, it’s more important what you want. What should I play?”

“I told you, you’re the DJ.”

“But I want to listen to whatever you want to listen to.”

He sounds so sweet, and she knows the look that he’s probably giving her, and just the thought of it almost makes her drive off of the road. 

(Speaking of…)

“You’re so full of it. But if you’re really giving me the floor, then find the one just called _‘teen indie movie_.’”

“What the fuck even are your playlist names?” He grumbles while his thumb is busy at work scrolling through her music selection. 

“You’ll understand when you hear it.”

That’s all she gives him, because it’s a hard thing to explain. They’re the songs that make her feel like she’s intoxicated on a musical and lyrical drug, that she wants to shout from the top of a coffee table at a party full of her friends, that she wants to dance to because she feels more alive when the song is playing. Alternatively, she’s on a long road trip, destination unknown, and she’s dramatically gazing out of the car window and wondering what her future holds. 

(She wonders if Luke ever had anything like that. It’s how she feels when she’s around him.)

He doesn’t seem to hate it, like she knew he wouldn’t, and when _Orphans_ by Coldplay kicks up, he’s nodding his head to the beat. 

“This song has a good vibe,” he says, not particularly to Julie or anybody. Just commentary.

Julie feels herself relax, and then refocuses on driving. 

When they arrive at the mall, it’s definitely as busy as both of them expected. She has to park pretty far away, and Luke laughs when she takes three tries to straighten the car, and she purposely slams on the brakes just to shake him up a little.

(Today feels good. Things are better. Maybe their friendship can survive.)

“This place is…” Luke starts, gazing at the front of the mall that has customers rushing in and out. 

“Hmm?”  
  
“Different.”

Right. It would be different, seeing as it’s been 25 whole years. Julie wonders briefly if this is overwhelming him somehow, but then she feels his hand slide into hers, and in that moment nothing else matters. 

“But you can show me the ropes. Lead the way, Boss.”

Giving into temptation, Julie cranes her head to directly look at him. To any bystander, she is deliberately looking at and smiling at air; but to her, she’s looking at the man who makes her feel like she’s the sun. 

He grins down at her, and looking crazy is worth it. 

Julie pulls on his hand and leads him through the double doors into the mall, where hundreds of people are walking around and living their lives. A few pass through Luke, but he has grown used to the sensation since becoming a ghost. 

“Shit,” he mumbles, trying to take in the sight of the lights and rows of shops as Julie and him maneuver the crowds. “This is… Definitely new. Where are we going first?” 

With a maniacal grin, Julie’s eyes instantly go to her favorite store right at the end of the hall.

“There.”

\--

Julie is in a dressing room with a few pairs of sweats, shirts, and a dress -- when she realizes that the buttons on the back of the one dress she liked are not going to button themselves. The dress seems to fit perfectly, but she can’t be sure that she wants to splurge a little unless she knows she looks amazing in it. She won’t know she looks amazing if she doesn’t have it properly buttoned, and… You know. 

So, she does the only thing she can think to do: Clear her throat a few times. 

While they had been shopping around, Julie and Luke made a system for if she ever needed him to come to the dressing room and help her. If she cleared her throat loudly, then it would mean she is relatively covered and he is safe to come in. 

Afterwards, he is there within seconds. 

And his eyes widen. 

“Hey, what’s… _Oh_. Wow.”

(Julie wonders if he wants to kiss her. She wishes he would.)

“Thanks,” she squeaks, trying to act like she can still breathe. “I just needed your help, because these buttons in the back are a pain.”  
  
As she describes her dilemma, she turns around so that her back is facing him and points to the columns of small buttons lining the centered seam of the purple dress. When Luke doesn’t say anything, she turns around again -- and almost wishes she didn’t.

His pupils are dilated, zeroed in on her back -- which, she realizes, is almost fully on display. Which includes the back of her bra. 

(Haha… Whoops.)

((FUCK!!!))

The look on his face, while it makes her feel like she is standing under a heat lamp, is almost enough to convince her that her move to kiss him the other night was not unwanted. Julie may have little to no real experience with guys, but if someone asked her to describe what attraction looked like, this would be it. 

“Luke?” 

Unconsciously, she steps closer to him, which seems to get him out of his reverie. After a few blinks, he recalls what she said, and slowly but surely nods his head. 

“Yeah, uh… Yeah. I got it. Turn around.”

The way that he tells her to turn around almost makes her knees buckle. Luckily, she remains standing. 

When his fingertips brush her back as they struggle to grasp the buttons, she feels the goosebumps raise and knows that he can probably see them rippling across her back. The fabric tightens at her waist as each button is fastened, and eventually, Luke’s fingers are completely skating the back of her neck to keep her curls from getting caught in the buttons. 

The last button is fixed, and his hands pull away, and she is filled with disappointment. Her period would have been made so much better if he could just… Keep buttoning, for like 20 more minutes. 

“Thanks,” she tells him, voice breathless. He doesn’t leave immediately, she notices; so she turns to look at herself in the mirror. Before she can even ask what he thinks-

“You look beautiful.” 

Julie doesn’t buy the dress during that visit, because they still have about six more stores to go to. 

(But between you and me, she hides it behind a rack of men’s dress shirts, just in case it winds up being her favorite discovery of the trip. She doesn’t want anyone to take Luke’s look away from her.)

\--

The second store that they go to is way more Luke’s style. And, if Julie was being completely honest, she really only put this store on her mental list of stops because she wanted to buy Luke something new. Like a little treat. 

(That she approved of, of course.)

“Jules, dude, this place is sick!” Luke does his little enthusiastic bounce as soon as he gets a good look at the store’s merchandise, and is quick to remove his hand from hers so that he can look around. “Hey, I have this shirt!”

She follows his eyes to the purposely bleached and dyed shirt that reads Tears For Fears across the front. It doesn’t surprise her that Luke has a shirt like it -- he had it when the band was actually popular. He had an original. 

“I bet you took the sleeves off though,” Julie hisses as she passes by him. As he hoists himself up to sit on one of the clothing displays, he nods. 

“Tore them with my bare hands.”

All that Julie can do is poorly suppress a smile. 

As she shops around with Luke hot on her heels, she deliberately selects band shirts and beanies that she thinks Luke would like. A part of her allowance has been set aside to buy Luke something new, so she pays close attention to his reactions to certain things so that she can gauge what she might buy. 

“Ooh, check this!” Luke gasps from behind her, and she whirls around to catch him longingly admiring a stack of white shirts with a neon orange Nirvana on the front. The back says SUBPOP RECORDS in a deep purple, and while she didn’t expect it to be Luke’s style, it has clearly caught his eye. 

“It’s cool,” she agrees, still busy glancing between him and the shirt. “You really like it?”

Like an excited puppy with a treat being waved in front of its face, he looks to her and nods. Seeing the energy glisten in his eyes gets Julie to relent on sight. Without any more hesitation, she reaches down and swipes the shirt from the shelf. 

“Then it’s yours.”

His enthusiastic mask falls. 

“What?”

He bounces after Julie, jumping over some of the displays as she walks towards the back of the store to the cash register. 

“I’m going to get you this shirt. Just… Don’t tell the guys. But I thought you might want an addition to your expansive collection of sleeveless band shirts.”

“But Julie,” he grabs her arm, even though he shouldn’t. She finally remembers that she’s in a store in the middle of the mall, so she pulls her phone from her purse and holds it to her ear. The arm with the shirt in it is still being held by Luke, and the constant contact is distracting her. “That’s your money.”  
  
“Yeah. And I’ve been saving it. And this shirt is surprisingly cheap, which is probably a bad thing, but it’s really nothing.”  
  


His eyes soften on her, and she feels herself freeze to the spot she’s standing in. 

(How ridiculous she must look right now. How she really can’t find it in her to care.)

“Are you sure though? You don’t have to, it’s not like I did anything to deserve it.”

“Well that’s completely not true. You’ve done more in the last few months than a lot of people did for me in a year. Seriously, Luke, it’s fun spending money! Let me sugar-mama you a little.”

(Two things: 1) Julie regrets that joke the second it comes out of her mouth. It was an _Outer Banks_ reference that he obviously doesn’t get. 2) She’s almost desperate to make matters worse for herself and say “if you kiss me I’ll buy you two shirts.” But she might go die afterwards, so she doesn’t.)

Even though his face twists a little in confusion and disgust, he gives in to her eventually. 

(He always will.)

“Okay,” he grumbles. “Thank you, Julie.”

She smiles into the phone. 

“You’re welcome.”

\--

After another two stores, Julie decides it’s time for lunch -- especially after noticing that it’s been a few hours. She should probably go to the bathroom and check on… Things. 

“Hey, I’m gonna run to the bathroom, can you chill here for like five minutes?”

She’s tempted to find something to tie him to a pole like a dog left outside of a restaurant. If she leaves him alone for too long, there is an unfortunately large risk of him just wandering off. 

He knows where home is, but still. It wouldn’t be a fun time worrying.

Luke, in responses, dramatically stomps his feet where he is standing, mocks a serious face, and raises two fingers in a salute. 

“Yes ma’am.”

With a reassuring smile and a chuckle at his antics, Julie turns around to start towards the restrooms and begins to shuffle through her purse to check for a pad or tampon. 

She comes up with neither. 

Panicked, she huddles against the side of the hallway and aggressively continues to shove things around from side to side in her small purse regardless of the fact that if she had any products with her, she would be able to see them. 

She could spend too much of her money in the drug store on a pack of pads or tampons that she already has at home, or…

Oh my God. She already has them at home. 

And she has a ghost who can teleport. 

(Wow, we love winning!)

As fast as her legs can take her, she is speed walking (not running, not in her condition) back to Luke’s post, where he is luckily still standing and looking around. 

When he notices her coming back towards him, he gives her a chest-fluttering smile. It’s almost like his whole face lights up. If she wasn’t a woman on a mission, she might try and kiss him again. 

“I need a favor,” is the first thing out of her mouth as soon as she removes her phone from her purse and is holding it to her ear. His sense of duty overtakes him. 

“Anything, Boss. What’s up?”

“So, my whole period thing…” He nods, evidently unaffected. “I don’t know if you know about the stuff that we have… Like… To catch the blood?”

“Alex had a younger sister,” Luke nods, looking off into the distance like he is trying to picture it in his mind. “He came to a couple band practices with that kind of stuff that he was going to bring her when he went home.”  
  
“Yeah, okay! Pads and tampons.”

“... Sure. I guess. I didn’t pay that much attention.”

(Well. It’s better than nothing.)

“Good enough. Anyways, I need you to help me and poof back home really quick. Into my room.” She pauses to make sure he’s listening to her instructions, and when he nods, she continues. “Go into my dream box-”

“Your dream box?”

“Yeah. When you said it had ‘girl stuff’ in it, you weren’t too far off.”

Luke’s eyes widen -- which is kind of adorable -- but Julie pushes on. 

“So, go into my dream box, and get two things. One is going to be a rectangular, pad thing that has bright green plastic wrapping and flowers all over it.” Luke mumbles a quick “okay.” “And the other thing is a white and purple… I don’t know, kind of a rectangular, tubular, packet? It’ll also have flowers on it, because they like to put flowers on all things period-related but that’s another story that’s not important. Do you need me to repeat any of that?”

  
  
“Rectangle, green, flowers,” Luke repeats, “white and purple, tube, flowers. That’s it?”

  
  
“In summary, yeah.”

“Okay,” Luke bops his head, clearly determined. Abruptly but almost instinctively, he leans in and kisses her forehead, poofing out not a second later. 

Julie is left stunned as she waits for him, still holding her phone up like a dumbstruck idiot. 

(If this is how she feels after a kiss on the forehead… How did Luke feel after the full-on kiss that she gave him?)

After about a minute and Julie is still trying to control her breathing, Luke pops back in front of her and she relaxes at the two familiar objects grasped in his hands. 

“You did it. You’re a lifesaver,” she sighs, holding her purse open for Luke to slide the materials in. “If we weren’t in public I would hug you right now.”

“You can make it up to me later,” he smirks, following it up with a wink. 

(He has to stop this shit right now or help her God she will do something that she will regret.)

((Not like in the violent sense though… You get it.))

She can tell that she’s blushing from the satisfied look that Luke has on his face after his comment. Normally she feels like she has the power, but it’s the little moments like these that remind her precisely how gone she is for Luke Patterson. It’s kind of becoming a nuisance at this point. She needs to do something about it.

“Right,” she mumbles, suddenly finding her shoes extremely interesting. “Well, thank you, and… I’ll be back.”

As Julie is changing in the bathroom, it occurs to her how so many girls would kill to have someone in their life to care about them on their period and get them their pads and the whole nine yards. 

She has to remind herself that Luke isn’t her boyfriend. But God, does she want him to be.

(And God, how he wants to be.)  
  
\--

They get Chipotle for lunch -- mall food courts only have so many options -- and save some tacos for the two of them to dig back into later, since, of course, Luke couldn’t eat in public without a hundred people gawking at the floating taco across from Julie. 

Julie’s cramps had slowly started to make a comeback, but they weren’t too bad. Eating always helps -- or, at least, she psychologically believes it does. Any stomach pain can be resolved with food as far as Julie is concerned. 

“One more store?” She looks up at Luke, who seems happy just to be next to her and bumping his hand with hers. 

“Hell yeah. Let’s go. This is fun.”

(She’s stupidly glad he thinks so.)

The final store they hit has some really unique, albeit a little more pricey, items. She’s been hesitant to really buy anything else besides Luke’s shirt and their lunch because she was curious as to if she would find anything jaw-dropping here--

And then, something purple and absolutely lovely catches her eye. 

Without saying anything to Luke, Julie is quick to walk over to the set of hangers on display: A pair of lilac-colored high-waisted pants, a suit jacket with purple flowers embroidered all over it with green vines connecting them, and a white blouse. 

Now that’s a look. 

“That’s really pretty.” Julie jumps at the voice over her shoulder. Luke is directly off to her right, watching her as she thumbs the fabric of the blazer between her fingers. “You should try it on.”

“It’s a little… I don’t know. What if I can’t afford it?”

“Who cares? It says here it’s on sale if you buy it as a set,” he gestures to the sign right above the rack, “but if you don’t want to you can only buy one of the things alone. Just try it on.”

She desperately wants to. It takes a lot in her to peak at the price tag -- it’s not as bad as she thought, though. Maybe it’s old stock that they need to get rid of. Plus the discount, she could swing it. 

It would be almost all of her money. This thing better look damn good. 

“Fine.” She pulls each of the hangers off of the rack with a light clink, and her and Luke walk together to the dressing rooms. “You, stay here,” she points into his chest, “and I’ll come out when it’s on.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

Shooting a shy smile over her shoulder, Julie slips into an open room and almost collapses against the door. She really thought that spending an entire day with Luke would be okay. 

She’s an emotional wreck. 

(Between you and I, she honestly vibes with feeling like this. It’s total and complete torture, but like, if Luke keeps looking at her like that then so be it. Torture it is.)

Julie refuses to look at herself in the mirror as she steps into the pants, tucks the blouse in, and lets the blazer glide over her arms and shoulders. With a final unbuttoning of the top two buttons on the blouse for flare, she takes the risk -- and boy, does it pay off. 

This may be the most flattering thing she’s ever worn. Julie feels confident, and hot, and the purple pops against her skin flawlessly as she turns her body to stare at herself from different angles. 

Pushing the glasses up her nose, she takes a deep breath. 

Time to show Luke. 

It’s exhilarating and terrifying to open the door because she suddenly feels all self-conscious again. She’s no longer the bad bitch in the mirror, she’s a girl in love who is waiting for the approval of a guy. 

(Lowkey ew. Make it stop.)

After she opens the door, it takes Luke a hot second to realize that she’s stepping out of the room. Like she’s chickening out -- and simultaneously trying to make the fashion show for a ghost seem normal -- she takes a sharp right turn and goes to the big mirror set up in the dressing room area. 

Luke follows close behind. 

Julie avoids his eyes -- intently focusing on one little flower on the suit jacket instead of him. Her heart rate speeds up as he approaches, and she feels the tip of his fingertip brush her wrist while he feels the end of the sleeve, and his breathing is suddenly right next to her ear--

A few tense moments pass. Julie thinks she looks great, but every passing moment is concerning her. 

Suddenly:

“Go back to the dressing room.”

Luke’s voice is low, and Julie finally thinks she understands what people mean when someone’s voice is described as “gravelly.” That’s Luke’s voice now, and he tugs insistently on her sleeve, and she looks up to meet his eyes.

She has to look away a second later because she has only seen Luke look at her like that on a handful of very specific occasions. 

“Julie,” he growls, followed by another tug. She has no idea what’s going on -- if it’s what she’s hoping it is -- so she briskly follows his instructions and walks robotically to the dressing room. 

The second the door is shut behind her and locked, he is walking through it, cupping her head in his hands, and kissing her senseless. 

(OH MY GOD-)

Her back is suddenly against the mirror, Luke is completely pressed up against her, and she’s trying not to make too much noise because someone will hear her and someone will come knocking on the door, but it’s hard not to. One hand travels from her cheek to her neck to dominantly crane her neck up to face him better, and his other hand lands firm at her waist to tug her even closer. 

She barely knows what to do with herself. Her hands just find their way around his neck to keep him as close as possible because now that she’s in this position, she never wants to be in another. 

“Luke-” Her voice rasps quietly as she pulls away, desperately wanting to ask what this all means but not wanting him to leave. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, voice low again. He presses another longing kiss to her lips before completely pulling away. She chases his lips hungrily before realizing quickly he is not coming back. “I’m sorry.”

Leaving Julie breathless and pink, he poofs out with a bright blush on his face. It doesn’t concern her all too much -- he’s either going home, or to the car. 

The bigger concern is the fact that he just made out with her and ran away. 

(The rational voice in her head belts out that she did the exact same thing. She is in no place to judge.)

Julie buys the whole outfit. And, glowing, walks back to the car with the fear and hope of finally talking to Luke. 

\--

To nobody’s surprise, Luke is leaning against the car when Julie walks up in the garage. He seems very embarrassed, which she doesn’t want him to be -- she just wants a friggin’ conversation. 

“Hey!” She calls out, praying her tone is even. She doesn’t want him to think that she’s angry. To lay it on extra thick, she dangles the shopping back with the suit in front of him. “I bought it. I think you may have even liked it more than I did.”

This gets a small smile to break out on Luke’s face, but he doesn’t want to smile. He runs his hands over his face in an effort to make it go away. 

“I-”

“If you apologize one more time, Luke, I swear.” 

The guitarist stays quiet. 

“Please just get in the car. Let’s talk. I have some stuff to explain too.”

To Julie’s relief, he easily follows her instructions. He’s shutting the passenger door as she puts her bags in the backseat, and then joins him up front. 

“Stop looking so upset at yourself,” Julie starts, unable to help herself. “I’m not upset. I’m… Very happy, actually.”

This gets Luke’s much desired attention. When he makes eye contact with her, finally, she grins. 

“You are?” He questions, and Julie worries that she’s never heard him sound this insecure. It makes her want to kiss him again. 

(And you know what? Maybe she will, if this conversation goes well.)

“I should apologize,” she continues. He looks instantly armed and ready to debate, but she holds up a finger. “No, please. I’m sorry that I just randomly kissed you that night without explanation and then proceeded to let the awkwardness brew between us. I didn’t want it to happen like that.”

“Want… What?”

(Oh, God. There’s a whole host of things Julie could respond to that with. Her first kiss with Luke, her first kiss ever, how she revealed that she had feelings for him… The list of mortifying things goes on. So she doesn’t say any of it.)

“Just… That night.” Her coverup is extremely poor. “It was really impulsive of me, and it made things weird-”

“It didn;t make anything weird-”  
  
“Then why did you act so weird?” She can’t help the venom in her voice. “Like, yeah, you did normal things, but you stopped coming to school, and any time we were really close, you… Pulled away. Very uninterested to me.”

“I’m a ghost, and you’re a living person, and I’m feeling all of these things, and you only made me feel more things, and there's the band, and Julie, you don’t understand that I am constantly worried about hurting you-”

“Hurting me?”

“I don’t want to take things too far and then have you get hurt!”  
  
“As if you didn’t just make out with me in a dressing room? That was you making the first move, I’m pretty sure, but correct me if-”

“You’re right,” Luke sighs, loud and dramatic. His hands return to his face. “And that’s why I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I don’t know why you’re sorry when you clearly know how I feel and I would be fine if you did it again.”

The words come out of her mouth in the heat of the moment, and she regrets it, and she doesn’t. So what she says next is just as risky, but she hopes it pays off. 

“So… I’m not thinking about getting hurt. Right now, I’m thinking you feel how I feel and we shouldn’t really give a fuck about anything else.”

Luke looks like she just swung a baseball bat into his gut. At present, it is extremely hard to determine if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. She watches intently as his hands start to wring in his lap, but then they’re pulling farther apart, and-

One of his silver rings has been pulled off of his finger and is resting in his right hand. 

“You’re amazing. Do you know that?”

She can’t physically muster the strength to talk. All she can do is smile. That doesn’t take much muscle, right?

Julie’s hand was resting on the center console, and she finds herself inching it in Luke’s direction just as he is lifting his left hand to pull on her fingers and bring her hand up to him. Her breath catches as the metal leaves a cold shock across her skin as he slides it down her right middle finger. 

“You know,” he muses, “wearing a ring on your middle finger is a symbol of power.” His thumb rolls against the ring to center it against her knuckle. “Fitting for you, don’t you think?”

“We’re doing this,” Julie gapes at her finger. She knows she isn’t answering his question, but wow, they’re doing this. He wants this too. 

“Yeah,” he whispers. Even though his voice is quiet, she can hear the joy. “We’re doing this.”

When his right hand joins his left in holding hers, and raises it to his lips, the burning in Julie's lower torso has nothing to do with her period. A heartbreakingly soft kiss is laid on her knuckle, lightly brushing the ring. 

This is what it feels like to have Luke Patterson. Julie can already tell its going to be more than anything she could have imagined. 

  
  


It isn’t an “I love you,” but Julie physically feels like it is. Her heart is aching again in the painful way that feels like a drug she is easily addicted to, but there’s a relief to it she hadn’t felt until now. Her feelings are reciprocated.

She aches for him, and he aches back, and they help each other soothe the craving.

When they get home, Luke kisses her in the car after she parks it, and again in the driveway, and again that night when he checks on her as she is eating caramel corn and watching a movie in her room while trying to ignore her uterus pain. It doesn’t get old. And Luke seems to love it as much as she does.

He kisses her again in the morning after she brushes her teeth, but before she gets dressed. Her dinosaur slippers stand between them as he cups her face and pecks her lips like it’s been their routine for weeks. He kisses her again before she goes to school -- Flynn notices the ring and obsessively interrogates Julie about it -- and any time he can after that. 

They’re doing this. They’re really, really doing this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHAAHA NO I LOVE YOU YET SUCKERS!!!! I GOTTA MAKE YOU WAIT FOR SOMETHING!!!
> 
> next chapter will probably be setting things in stone, and while many of you might be thinking the pining won't be there because they've moved so far at this point, but I am here to remind you that the anthology is still about them trying to touch in public so imagine that want that they have but on crack because now they're just openly simping all over the damn place
> 
> ps. people rip on coldplay but orphans legit makes me cry... there's such a desperation when they say "i wanna be with you 'till the world ends'
> 
> thank you for reading. this is my day-after-christmas gift :) love you!!!!


	5. v. new years party {ft. the grocery store}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> julie stressing about love confessions, luke being a soft boyfriend, and flynn and carrie????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MANY THINGS. FIRST:  
> this is the last part of the 5!!!!! all that is left is the +1 and the bonus chapter. wow. cannot believe we have come so far. 
> 
> 2\. @willexx/chloe on tumblr once again has contributed. we had a conversation one day about a week ago and a little of it's contents have found it's way into the final scene of this fic. girl if you're reading this, please sleep soon <3
> 
> 3\. i forget that not everyone has taken 4 years of spanish classes. estrella = star and mariposa = butterfly and yo se = i know. all other spanish is explained i believe
> 
> 4\. things get spicy????? yeah
> 
> 5\. i ship flynn and carrie so that just kinda happened in this chapter and i am not sorry
> 
> 6\. shoutout to @chasethesun18 who made a beautiful gifset using a quote from Chapter 3 of this fic!!!!!!

Contrary to popular belief, the majority of high schoolers don’t go to parties. Those kinds of teenaged crowds are usually made up of the same 20 inbreeding “popular” kids who the rest of the student body secretly mocks and hates. 

Julie and Flynn have never had the desire to be one of those kids. They’ve never had the desire to party or get drunk or do any of the things that they can only imagine goes down at a party, but when Carrie, their newly recovered friend, invites them, it’s the boys of Sunset Curve who encourage them to go. 

“You don’t have to drink,” Luke insists, tugging his guitar strap around his shoulder during practice one day. “Me and the boys went to a few parties and had a little fun, but no one will be pressuring you if you don’t want to. Plus, she said we could perform, right? It could be a pretty epic gig.”

“... At Trev-  _ Bobby’s _ house,” Julie reminds him. Her band rolls their eyes. 

“So? We can go break his vinyl collection after our set and Carrie can blame it on her drunk party guests,” he responds. 

Even though what he’s suggesting is definitely not really acceptable, the mischievous glint in his eyes makes her want to tell the boys and Flynn to leave them alone in the garage for a few minutes. 

“We won’t actually do that,” Alex jumps in, and just like that, Julie’s flush fades. “... We might do something. But not that. But Luke’s right -- we should all go.”

“So?” Flynn stands up from her seat on the couch next to Reggie. “What do they say? Are you guys gonna perform?”

Julie gives one more chance for the boys to back out. 

“Are you all sure?” She asks, very directly, with a pointed look to all three of them. “We’re opening for Dirty Candi.”

“She opened for us at Eats & Beats,” Luke reminds her, stepping forward. He’s a little too close to be considered friendly by their bandmates. “It’s time we return the favor.” 

His confidence and willingness that has grown so much since she met him warms Julie’s heart. It’s just one of the many things that she’s inspired him to do.

And just like that, they have a gig in two weeks.

\--

Christmas comes and goes, Julie and Luke’s mall trip changes everything, and suddenly, they’re been together for three days and have three days until their gig at Carrie’s party. 

When Ray asks Julie to run to the grocery store for him -- with a list particularly pertaining to how he and Carlos will be celebrating on New Years Eve -- he is unaware of the partner that she is bringing along with her. 

“You have the list in your pocket, right?” Ray asks her through the driver’s seat window, the boy in the passenger seat invisible to him. 

That boy in the passenger seat also coyly slips his left hand into Julie’s pocket to tug on the grocery list in question, which she is left to try and swat away without being too obvious. 

“Yeah!” She assures her father, in the same tone she always uses when she is attempting to hide something ghost-related from her dad. “I got it. And I have your card. I’ll call you if I have any questions.”

“Okay.” Ray sighs, and then reaches his hooked index finger through the window. She links her finger with his, and squeezes it, and they share a final grin before she starts rolling up her window. “Drive safe!” He calls out as the window seals. Julie responds with a thumbs-up through the window and is quick to put the car in reverse to start leaving the driveway. 

(So… Of course Ray is okay with Julie and Luke being alone. But he doesn’t actually know about this development with Luke quite yet -- Julie’s going to tell him soon, though -- because she is really trying to have the dating-a-ghost conversation with as few people as possible. And because she hasn’t detailed the updated nature of her relationship with the guitarist, she feels weird obsessively talking about being alone with Luke when there’s this whole ulterior motive that she has now.)

((For the record, she’s always had that ulterior motive. And Ray knows. As far as he is concerned, his daughter and Luke have been together for awhile.))

“Alone at last!” Luke cries over-dramatically when she is backing out of the drive. The laugh that tickles Julie's throat is distracting her to the point where she has to physically hold it back until she is on the road and the car is in drive. 

Then, she allows herself to relax, and Luke’s hand on her leg helps with that.

“We’re alone all of the time,” she chuckles, but she knows how he’s about to respond. 

“Only a little at practice before the guys show up, and sometimes in your room, but you are living a busy life and you’re tired and I respect that! And when you go back to school, you’ll be tired because you’re busy and I’m just looking ahead. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I tried to selfishly take up your time?”

Boyfriend. Oh, God, is that her new favorite word. With her hands firm on the wheel, Julie steals a satisfied glance at the silver ring on her right hand, and repeats the word in her head over and over. 

“Julie, are you even listening to me?”

“You had me at boyfriend,” she smiles. When she catches the annoyed look on his face, she lets her right hand fall from the steering wheel to hold his in her lap. “Luke, seriously. As my boyfriend there will always be time for you. There was always time for you before, in case you didn’t notice. I never realized you were so time-starved. How come you didn’t feel like this before?”

As Luke turns in the seat to face her better, he continues to hold her hand; now letting his thumb rub the soft skin on the back of it. 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Mariposa.” The nickname -- something new she taught him after he asked what ‘butterfly’ was in Spanish -- makes her blush. He continues. “I always miss you when you’re not around. When you would be at school, I would mope around the house all day and drive the guys insane. Visiting you made that better, but I was always so scared of annoying you. I was in the worst limbo of never wanting to leave your side and the fear that you’d get sick of me.”

It doesn’t surprise Julie how familiar his words sound to her soul, because as of recently, she had felt the same way. At school, how she had started to fall into the depths of her feelings, and she would think about how if Luke were there, she would certainly feel less tired and less stressed. 

And when she came home, she would dive straight for the garage with the hope that he would be there to smile at her and tell her about a new song and make the buzzing feeling in her stomach hit her at full force. 

  
So many of her moments were spent thinking that they would be better with Luke there with her. 

“I know the feeling,” Julie mumbles, almost so quietly that she’s unsure if she voiced the words at all. “It… It kind of hurts. Like...” She struggles to describe how, exactly, it hurts. “I would burn for you. I burned for you to be around.”

“Exactly.” Luke almost hisses the word. “I burned for you.”

“But now,” she starts again, stopping at a red light, “you know how much I want you around. So if you want me… You have me.”

The tension in the car is too charged for them to be in a moving car right now. It should be a crime. 

“Remind me to kiss you when we get to the store.”

"You need a reminder? I might be offended, Patterson."

\--

He doesn’t need a reminder. 

The second that she parks the car -- far away, towards the edges of the parking lot, to avoid passerbys -- he is almost completely pulling her into his arms as she smiles against his lips.

“Okay,” Julie whispers into the space between them when she lightly presses against his shoulders to push him away. “Too much of that and my dad will think I’ve been gone for a suspicious amount of time. We have a job to do.”

“Right.” Luke nods, reminded of their mission, and sneaks a kiss to Julie’s cheek before poofing out of the car and outside of her door to open it for her. “I have to help you reach the things on the high shelves.”

Julie’s eyes roll obnoxiously as she takes the steps out of the car and places herself on the pavement. A biting comment stirs up her throat as a response, but the affectionate look on his face makes her think better of it. Her body feels warm even though there is a wintertime chill in the air surrounding her. And even as Luke gestures in front of him for them to start walking to the store, it lingers in her stomach. 

She pulls a cart from the line of them in the front of the store, which Luke eagerly hops on the front of. He remains facing her as he clutches the front of the cart to keep him upright. 

(It’s too adorable for them to be in public. If he stays there, she’ll smile at him the whole time and there will be another fifty people in the world who see her and think she has lost her mind. But oh well.)

The two of them carefully go through each section, from produce to dairy to every aisle and then the bakery. Luke ends up helping her reach for peanut butter -- “who the fuck puts peanut butter on the top shelf?!” -- but Julie fends for herself most of the time. 

Her only struggle is Luke’s distracting antics. 

Like when he is getting the peanut butter, he stands right behind her, practically guiding her to her tippy toes so that she can at least pretend like she is getting the peanut butter herself. But at some point it becomes less of her telling her body what to do and more Luke telling it what to do when he is fully pressed against her, chest-to-back, and all that her body wants to do is chase the contact. 

They stay in that position a moment longer than necessary, but neither are in the position to question it.

Or like when she is pushing the cart forward through the dairy section and he moves next to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and causing her shirt to brush up to reveal a line of skin for his hand to lightly trace his fingers along. He runs them back and forth and back and forth to the point where if she tried to walk her knees would buckle and the butterflies in the deepest pit of her stomach would be released. 

She finds herself staring at cartons of eggs for over a minute as she tries to adapt to the sensation and calm the… Fluttering. 

(She doesn’t adapt. The swooping in her stomach -- and a little lower -- remains, but he stops as soon as they ditch the dairy section and the moment is over as soon as it started.)

Later, as Julie is loading bottles of sparkling cider into the cart, Luke allows his chin to hook over her shoulder and watch her with amusement. 

“What’s all that for?”

“A couple bottles for my dad and Carlos, because Carlos will almost definitely try and chug them both himself and pretend that his sugar high is intoxication. And a few for us to bring to Carrie’s, because I don’t know what food is appropriate, flowers would be ridiculous and there is no way we are bringing alcohol. I need something to drink while we’re there, so I’m basically bringing my own drinks.”

Luke hums into her hair, burrowing his face into it with a goofy smile. Julie makes her best effort to operate around him, turning her body to place the final bottle in the cart despite the strong arms tightly squeezed around her. 

“Ready to go?” He whispers, voice muffled partially by her curls. 

Her only response is a stiff nod before proceeding to push the cart to the checkout lines. 

After Luke spends too much time having a meltdown over the miracle of self-checkout stations, Julie finally manages to usher him out of the store by lightly grabbing the tips of his fingers and tugging, hard, to drag him out the doors with her. 

“Julie, wait, it- You’re allowed to scan it yourself! How did you not tell me about this!?”   
  


On any other occasion, Julie is furious with the inner workings of the universe for making Luke invisible to anyone else but her. 

Right now, she is thankful for that feature. 

(A very small part of her even wishes that she was a part of the lifer club with every other person who doesn’t know that Luke is there.)

The laughter that she had been repressing at his childlike antics finally crackles out of her when they are far enough away from the store for nobody to glare at her. 

“I’m sorry, but is my twenty-first-century ignorance funny to you? It’s not my fault that street dogs killed me in the 90s!” As Julie continues to laugh, and almost trip over herself while pushing the cart to the car, Luke continues. “Well, I mean- Okay. Technically the street dogs were my idea, but I obviously did not recommend them with the plan to have all of us die-”

“Luke, Babe-” 

The singer had finally been recovering from her laughing attack with the intention to get her guitarist to take a breath when the term of endearment slipped out of her. Shocked at herself, her carefree grin is quick to fade from her face as she locks eyes with Luke; who also was induced to end his ranting upon hearing the word. 

While there’s a perfectly poor coverup trying to come out of her mouth, it keeps getting caught in her throat. Luke’s o-shaped lips curl into the most flirtatious smirk that Julie has ever seen. 

“...Babe?”

“I- Uh-” 

Again, anything she wants to say is getting stuck. With a few random vowel-like sounds, Julie determinedly pushes the cart forward and speed-walks away from Luke. 

(You might think she’s overreacting, but this is her first boyfriend, okay? And Luke calls her all types of nicknames all of the time, but she only ever calls him Luke, and now her stupid brain has decided that the most typical term of endearment ever is fit for the guy that means everything to her.)

((She’s worried he hates it, and he won’t be attracted to her, and rethink their whole thing. The ring on her finger feels heavy.))

“Wait- Julie! Babe!”

Luke poofs in front of her just as she reaches the car, and he can visibly see the stoney exterior she’s developed on her face. It’s her defense mechanism -- she’ll act like it’s okay, be not-so-subtle about it, probably apologize and then pray that nobody brings it up again. 

(She thinks he’s weirded out, but he’s actually trying to get his stomach to stop doing the thing. You know… The burning. His stomach is doing the burning and it’s so hard for him to focus when Julie inflicts that feeling and he needs her to call him  _ Babe _ again or he will lose it.)

“Jules,” he starts, reaching out to wrap his right hand around her neck and step closer to her. “Did you just try and give me a pet name?”

He watches her eyes flicker down to his hand, and back up to his. 

“It was an accident,” she attempts, a forceful laugh following. “Sorry. It was dumb.”

She’s quick to pull away from him, and his hand is swarmed with the chill of December air. He can feel his signature pout coming on -- he wants to make Julie feel better, and he wants to be holding her hand again, and  _ fuck he wants her to call him babe! _

(Luke pet name rights! You better be cheering it right now.)

_ “Julie,” _ he groans, running around the cart to catch his waist in his arms and pull her into him. Her back is pressed cozily into his chest, and she’s so warm, and Luke loves her. She still doesn’t give him any of the attention he seeks, however, only quirking a small smile and patting his hands that rest on her stomach briefly. He pushes harder. “Julie.” A kiss is pressed to her temple. “Jules. Mariposa. Sunset. Estrella. Rockstar. Wrecking ball-”

“What?” She spins in his arms, finally facing him, and just getting to look at her makes him smile. Julie looks as if she is once again fighting her amusement, barely allowing herself to grin. 

“Call me ‘babe’ again,” he whispers. Finally, Julie’s mouth stretches into his favorite sight ever: Her smile. 

“Babe? You like it?”

“I deserve one nickname, don’t you think?” 

Through their conversation, their faces have been leaning in closer -- they just gravitate towards one another. Like magnets. You get them close enough, their shared force will do the rest of the work. 

“Of course you do,” Julie insists, wrinkling her nose. “Just… babe? In comparison to everything you just called me? Some of those I haven’t even heard you call me.”

“But you gave it to me. That makes it perfect right off the bat.”

Finally, what Luke has been waiting for: Julie’s arms slink around his torso to link hands behind his back. She tucks herself into his chest, and the cold is at last diminished. 

“You flatter me too much, Luke Patterson.”

“I’m only telling you the truth, Estrella. Anything you want to call me is perfect. It means I’m yours.”

\--

Only three days later, it is New Years Eve, and Julie and the Phantoms has a gig at Carrie Wilson’s party that exact night.

“Please, mija, don’t drink.”

“Papa, I’m not going to-”

“And if anyone offers you something and you don’t know what it is, just say no.”

“Dad-”

“And if there’s anything else weird at this party, like pills or something, please just-”

“I know, I know,” Julie insists. “Tell them to pass me some and get the party started.”

Luke, who is standing behind her, chokes on his saliva as he breaks into a sudden fit of laughter. Julie is propped up on a barstool, eating a bowl of pasta with pesto sauce, impatiently waiting for Flynn to show up to help with hair and makeup and save her from Ray’s fatherly hovering. 

“Julie,” he scolds, looking down at her with his strong blue eyes. 

“Si, yo sé Papá. I’m going to be safe. And Flynn will too.”

Ray looks like he’s about to say something else, but Julie is desperate to get out of there -- so she shoves one last forkful of pasta into her mouth and reaches over the counter to drop the bowl into the sink. Fluidly, she slides down from the stool and wraps her hand around Luke’s. 

“Okay, Dad, I’m gonna go get ready, when Flynn gets here just send her up, okay?”

Julie and Luke are barreling up the stairs as Ray responds with a faint “okay, mija.”

As soon as Julie’s bedroom door is closed, her and Luke flop down onto her mattress and curl into each other. 

“You failed to remind your dad that I would be there too,” Luke mumbles, but she can hear his smile. 

“Yeah… I used to use that, but he’s always like ‘Luke’s a ghost, blah blah blah,’” she sighs. Her face burrows farther into his t-shirt. “So close-minded of him.”

Suddenly, Luke’s fist is running through her hair to lightly tilt her head up to face him. His gaze has hardened into something much more serious. 

“You know… Even though I’m not a lifer, or visible, or whatever… I’ll always protect you. You know that, right?”

The notion almost sounds ridiculous to her. It’s pretty obvious to her, after everything that her and Luke have done and said, that he would do the best he could in every situation. And honestly, she’s never worried about it. 

(While she loves her dad, she does often feel like punching a wall whenever someone questions her and Luke’s lifer/ghost relationship. Luke isn’t a ten year old or any kind of animal, so if people could stop expressing issues with their relationship, her quality of life would be improved. Thank you.)

“Of course I do, Babe.”

She feels his body buzz a little under her at the term. But before they can continue enjoying each other’s company in soft silence, Julie’s bedroom door is being thrown open-

“Tell Luke to leave because we have lots of glam to take care of and not enough time!” Her best friend is making her grand, loud entrance with her eyes covered as she enters the bedroom. Luke rolls off of the bed out of pure surprise, but Julie has grown used to Flynn walking around the house like it’s her own. 

“We’re decent, Sweetie. You can look.”

Flynn, still hesitant, peaks through her fingers before completely dropping her hand. Her eyes flicker around the room, checking for a sign that Luke is there, even though she knows she won’t get one. 

“Where’s the boy toy?”

“Down here,” Luke grunts, raising a hand. Julie giggles. 

“He’s on the floor. You scared him.”

“Well,” Flynn throws open the doors to Julie’s closet, “tell him to calm his unbeating heart and get out. You guys have a gig at Carrie’s -- I still can’t believe it -- and you need to look hot. For multiple reasons.”

She can’t help it -- Julie looks directly down at Luke, who is still lying flat on his back next to her bed. The way that he stares back up at her, knowing what she’s thinking, causes a coy smile to form on her face. When his eyes scan down her sitting figure, the brief thought that she wishes Flynn could give them two more minutes alone hits her, but doesn’t linger for too long. 

(In all honesty, there’s a reason Julie invited Flynn over to help her get ready. Julie loves when Luke looks at her like that -- more heated, more powerful than how he looks at her every other second of the day. The charged look. The one that he gave her before pressing her against a mirror in a dressing room and stealing innocence from her mind. She loves that look.)

“You heard the woman,” she sighs, watching Luke stand up. “I’ll see you when it’s time to go?”

With a dopey smile, the guitarist takes a step towards her and leans over to kiss her on the forehead. She can feel his smile stretching across her skin, and it causes one of her own to grow. 

“See you later, Beautiful.”

He poofs out, leaving untamed feelings in Julie’s stomach and many, many thoughts in her head. Flynn seems to sense when he’s gone -- probably due to the sigh that floats out of Julie’s lips after he leaves -- and whips around to face her best friend to start an interrogation. 

“Okay, spill! Have you told him you loved him yet? Has he told you he loves you yet? Have there been any declarations of love? Have you-”

“Girl, take a breath, please. You didn’t happen to drink seven sodas before coming here, did you?”

Flynn huffs as she throws herself onto the bed next to Julie.

“No, I’m just freaking out that you’ve literally been into Luke for months and now you’re together and I am dying to know how fast you’re taking things. It’s not like my dumb crush on Carrie is going to be successful, so I need to live through you.”

“Hey,” the Latina grabs her best friend’s hand. “You don’t know what’s gonna happen with Carrie. You could easily make your move tonight if you wanted. But to answer your question, there have not been any love declarations. Just the ring, which I told you about.”

(But in Julie’s head, she is much less composed than she seems on the outside. Flynn’s questioning triggered something in her: Why haven’t her and Luke said “I love you”? In the romantic sense, obviously. She had told the boys in the platonic sense that she loved them, of course, and Luke had… Not. He had actually never uttered the words.)

((Way to send her spiraling, Flynn.))

“Well,” Flynn sighs, bringing Julie back into the real world, “you have a legal obligation to tell me when there’s a development. Until then, get your ass up and into your closet because if we bust our asses enough, we might get that boy to say ‘I love you’ tonight.”

Julie playfully rolls her eyes in response, but she can’t help but scream on the inside. 

She has a lot to think about on the last night that she should be thinking about it. 

\--

To the naked eye, the car that the band arrives in only has Julie and Flynn in the front seat. To Julie, however, she was in a packed vehicle with three screaming teenage boys in her backseat, one of which was being particularly affectionate and rubbing her shoulders while she’s in the driver's seat.

“So remember, if you want food ask us, if you want drinks ask us, and- Ooh, Luke, stay there, that feels good- And be careful with any pranks you want to play tonight.”

“Julie,” Reggie pipes up from the middle seat, “you totally underestimate us. We got this. We’re gonna rock the party, ring in the new year, and only do a little damage to Trevor’s platinum records.”

Julie sends a glare behind her -- best she can while still staying focused on the road -- and Reggie is quick to back track. To calm her, Luke lets his fingers travel into the dip between her shoulder blades that he can barely reach with the seat in front of him. 

“No damage,” Alex cuts in with an insistent tone. “We have a gig, and then we can have fun, and maybe not get Julie blacklisted from Carrie’s house.”

“Okay, what the hell is going on back there?” The girl in the passenger seat finally exclaims. “You keep glaring and talking and I’m watching you get angry at air, so…”

Luke hoists himself up to lean over and kiss Julie’s cheek before she answers Flynn’s question. 

(Sir is not giving Julie a SECOND to question his feelings about her. Every time she starts to overthink about the L-word, he grabs her hand to hold it for no reason or kisses her randomly and just tries to touch her all of the time, with that happy fucking grin on his face too!)

((Julie has a freshly-realized, deeply-seeded fear of saying ‘I love you’ first. Why? Because she’s the one who kissed him first. And we all know how that went for two weeks. So, if she’s being real honest, if they want to have a relationship of equals, then she would appreciate it one hell of a lot if he could say it first. Especially because she’s already said it in the platonic sense, which he hasn’t done either.))

The gate to Carrie’s driveway is opening slowly, and Julie slowly lets her foot off of the break to allow their car to roll through. 

“They’re just talking about how excited they are for tonight,” she grunts in response, sending one final serious stare over her shoulder to Reggie in particular. 

Flynn looks unconvinced as she herself glances to the back, which remains empty to her eyes. 

“... Okay,” she hums, shifting in her seat to face forward again as Julie parks. “You can tell me later.”

“Ready to blow this popsicle stand?” Reggie is back in excitement mode, tapping his hands along the side of the car when everyone has crawled out before him. Flynn pops up next to Julie to link their arms together as the boys excitedly clap each other on the back. 

The five of them stand on the edge of the Wilson property, overlooking the sunset, before sharing one last grin. 

“Let’s roll, Phantoms.”

\--

Within minutes, the house is emerged in darkness and is a bright, loud spot in the hills amongst other houses buzzing with occupants. Trevor is supposedly travelling to a charity event in Beijing, so Carrie was making the most of his absence in the form of a New Years blowout. 

Julie and Flynn saw pools of people in their grade, even some older students -- and the party was just getting started. 

The song thrumming through the room was something that Julie recognized that was popular on TikTok like, two weeks ago, and people are already dancing, jumping in the pool fully clothed, and a few kids even have solo cups in their hands. Alex looks happy to stand off to the side -- “Willie will be here soon, so I’m gonna just wait for him” -- while Reggie is quick to throw himself into the hoards of students. 

“Dude, this is awesome! Tell Carrie her parties rock!”

And then, it’s just Flynn, Julie, and Luke. Flynn had since dropped Julie’s arm, but Luke has now slung his arm over his girlfriend’s shoulder.

(He feels her tense, just a little, at the contact. It doesn’t make him pull away, but it makes him mentally file a question about it to ask her later.)

“Go find Carrie!” Julie talk-yells over the bass. “Maybe ask her for a dance if you’re feeling fun. Luke and I are going to find a place for these-” She holds up the bottles of sparkling cider- “In the kitchen!”

With a doubtful look, Flynn still follows through with Julie’s instructions and finds herself pushing through the throngs of people to find one sparkly pink host. 

Meanwhile, Luke is leading Julie in the direction of the kitchen with his arm around her because her hands are currently occupied. 

“I still hate this house,” Luke says into her ear. His mouth completely touches it, and she knows it’s on purpose, and despite all of the worry balled up in her stomach she still finds a thrill in the fact that he’s so close. “But the party seems cool. I can’t wait to dance with you.”

(Julie prays that everyone around her is too caught up in their own partying to catch the bright flush on her cheeks.)

“By the way,” he yells again, lips almost kissing her ear between every word, “you look fucking stunning.”

(A heartbeat? Julie’s never heard of it. Especially not in her own chest right now.)

Hopefully the little smile on her lips is enough of a thank you -- since she can’t exactly scream it out loud to the space next to her -- as she tosses the cider into one of the buckets of ice, and even pops one open to pour her own cup. Grabbing a random sharpie from the island, she scribbles her name on the side. 

Silently, she gestures to the cups to ask Luke if he wants one, to which he shakes his head. 

“After our set I’ll probably need five bottles of water, but I’m good right now.” 

_ “Julie!” _   
  


Carrie. 

She doesn’t have her pink wig on yet, but she is truly dawned in pink as she always is. Flynn is right next to her, widening her eyes at Julie out of pure gay panic, and Julie just grins. 

“Hey you guys! Carrie, thank you for having us. I’ve been texting the guys, we’re all excited to go on.”

Shockingly, Carrie leans in for a hug. It was a move beyond unexpected by Julie, Flynn, or Luke; as the latter has to remove his arm from Julie’s shoulders to make way for the incoming embrace. Julie catches him pouting a little before she throws her arms around her friend. 

“I’m excited to get you onstage. Can we have you guys on in about 10 minutes? Play a few songs, get the party started?”

Instinctually, Julie cranes her head to look for her bandmates: Reggie is jumping around on the dance floor surrounded by her school peers, Alex is chatting intimately with Willie by the fireplace, and Luke is still right behind her. The guitarist nods at Carrie’s request -- one OK down, two to go.

“Julie?”   
  


(Oh. Right. Carrie doesn’t seem them. Ghosts, haha!  _ Sooooo _ funny.)

Julie’s head snaps back in Carrie’s direction, and suddenly she notices a flash of light in her peripherals. Luke has poofed over to Reggie, presumably to ask about the time, and then over to Alex. 

“Yeah, sorry. I was just checking out the setup you’ve got. Let me text the guys really quick.”

She pulls out her phone and starts randomly hitting the screen with her thumbs as she waits impatiently for Luke to return under the expectant gaze of the party host. Thankfully, her boyfriend delivers, returning in a few seconds. 

“We’re a go for ten minutes.”

Julie finally has permission to look up from her phone with a smile on her face. 

“They’re all good! Ten minutes it is.”

“I’ll go get our projector from the car,” Flynn interjects. Holding her hands out, Julie tosses the keys to her best friend, who scurries out of the kitchen quickly. 

(She also doesn’t miss the way that the bright smile on Carrie’s face falters at Flynn’s exit.)

“Great! Well, I’ll come back and find you when it’s time for you to go on. Have a good time!”

And just like that, Carrie is floating back to the crowd of her guest like a natural host. Even with the pounding music, Julie can hear Luke whistle as he returns to being glued to her side with an arm around her. 

“Is it just me, or has she gotten, like, way nicer?”

Fighting a smile, Julie lifts her cup to her mouth to respond. 

“It’s not just you.”

Not a minute later, as Julie is enjoying standing in Luke’s arms warm and safe and admiring her partying peers, Flynn reappears with their pathetic excuse for a high-tech projector and the keys to the car. 

“Thanks,” Julie yells as she catches the key ring in her hands. “Now go ask Carrie to dance!”

“It’s a no for me!” Flynn shouts back, quickly spinning on her heel with an unamused smile on her face to escape the situation as soon as possible. 

(Kind of ironic, how Julie is pushing Flynn to make a move when all she’s been thinking about is Luke doing the same.)

((Trust me, Luke’s been thinking about it too. Since he visited Julie in school almost a month ago, he’s been plotting how to tell her he’s in love with her. But now that she’s acting suspicious, he doesn’t know if she's already lost interest in him and doesn’t feel the same way, or if she’s mad at him about something. The growing concern in his gut only makes his arm tighten around her waist, which she leans into marginally.))

“Julie!” Reggie’s voice shocks them both out of their worrying inner monologues. Luke’s arm stays firm around Julie. “What song is this? It’s so good!”

The question stuns Julie, because she hadn’t even been paying attention to the rager around her. Her thoughts had been louder than the music, and that says a lot about where her priorities are at the moment. 

After just a second of opening her ears, she almost groans. 

“It’s called  _ Old Town Road _ ,” she says into her cup. 

“What?”

“ _ Old Town Road _ ,” Luke says, louder. He finishes it with a shrug as Reggie repeats the title, just to feel it out. 

“Cool! I’ll look it up when we get home.”

As he poofs away to make his return to the dance floor, Julie actually does groan. 

“Please tell Reggie to play that song when I’m not around.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“I spent all of last year hearing it all over school, on every radio station, in every store… It’s a good song, but it got so overplayed. I did my time. It’s your turn now.”

“Should I be scared?”

The singer has to battle the borderline maniacal grin that is threatening to overcome her face.

“You’ll be fine.”

“Okay, that definitely doesn’t-”

“Jules!”   
  
(God, what is it with everyone interrupting their conversations? Can’t Julie just have one full-length, awkward talk with her boyfriend that she is hopelessly in love with but doesn’t know how to go about it?)

Flynn is walking up to them once again, this time without the projector, which one can assume is already set up. Slightly aggravated, Luke props his head on Julie’s shoulder, and she lets herself lean her head against his. 

“Carrie says you should get on stage and get started.”

“Will you dance with her during Finally Free?”

Luke grins into her hair, but Flynn looks less than amused. After a couple of seconds are spent on a stare-down between the two girls, Julie relents.

“Fine! Fine. But just try, for me. I’ll get the guys ready.”

Wordlessly, Flynn bustles back into the crowds and Luke is left to reluctantly peel himself off of Julie. 

“I’ll go get the guys, and… I’ll see you up there?”

Looking up into his eyes, which she can’t read like she usually can, Julie allows herself one moment of weakness as she lets her fingers lightly trace down Luke’s arm before folding themselves in his hand. 

“See you up there.”

He makes matters worse by leaning in and kissing her right on the corner of her mouth -- the most infuriating spot, in her opinion, because whenever he does it it tempts her to throw away any hope at salvaging her sanity to catch his lips in hers -- and smiling down at her like she’s glowing. 

“You’re gonna kill it, Rockstar. Remember, I love-” Julie’s breath catches, Luke’s does too. He stops himself before his confession can slip out at this completely unromantic moment. “ _ They _ . They are going to love us.”

(Oh, how the two of them wish that the ground would open and swallow them whole.)

Just as Julie opens her mouth to provide her own absolutely garbage response, Luke is poofing out, and she is standing at the kitchen island alone. 

\--

“Hey, everybody!” The partygoers automatically cheer at Julie’s greeting. “Me and the phantoms are really excited that Carrie wanted us to play for you all tonight, Happy New Year!”

More applause and more whoops echo from the audience, and while Julie may be a little preoccupied, it’s the exhilarating moments such as these that reinforce her love for being on stage and playing songs that she is passionate about. 

To get the audience to calm down, she lets her fingers press into the opening sequence to Finally Free, and it feels like coming home. 

The party guests lose their mind at the guys’ entrance; the energy in the room suddenly sent to full charge. All thoughts about her tragic love story with Luke are failing to dampen her mojo as they lock eyes on various occasions throughout the performance, and under his stare, Julie feels how she should: Like a star.

It’s intoxicating. 

Her genuine smile only stretches when she sees Flynn and Carrie bouncing next to each other among the pool of people, Willie cheering Alex’s name from his place in the audience, and Reggie winking at almost everyone with a pulse in the room. 

Luke’s eyes are still on her. They never leave. 

(How could they? He can barely take his eyes off of her when she’s not singing, but when she is, he is not left with any other choice. Julie is the most magnificent, colorful sunset; and if he looks away for even a second, Luke knows he will feel like he is missing something spectacular.)

At last, they approach the bridge, and chills run down Julie’s back, and then even further down. They had been planning for her to pull her signature move of sharing the mic with Luke, but she’s worried it’ll send her mind into overdrive more than usual.

And yet, she finds her fingers tightening around the microphone, and her legs bringing her over to Luke. 

_ “I got a spark in me,” _ she sings, her voice hitting every note perfectly. As she watches Luke take steps closer to her, a visible haze falls over his eyes. 

_ “I got a spark in me,” _ he echoes, and his voice is low, and  _ God _ is it attractive. 

(She has no one to blame but herself. She is doing this to herself.)

_ “And you’re a part of me!” _

Luke shuffles even closer, and the electricity running across his skin is making quantum leaps over to hers. His eyes, for a little longer than a moment, lower themselves to her lips. Julie can’t help but mirror him. 

(The thoughts running through her head have no place in this fluffy, pining fic. It’s all just Luke and [redacted], [redacted] and [redacted].)

_ “And you’re a part of me,” _ he sings back to her, and they lock eyes, and in the moment, she feels it:  _ The love _ . It’s in his eyes. 

_ “Now ‘till eternity,” _ Julie continues, and this time, it doesn’t just feel like a lyric. It’s a question. She’s asking Luke. 

The fierce nod he gives her as he repeats the final line is her answer. 

_ “Now ‘till eternity!” _

_ “Been so long, and now we’re finally free!” _

Belting the extended high note is more effortless than it has ever been. The air is almost racing out of her lungs to sing, because in a stupid way, she has her confirmation. He loves her. And while she should have known that this whole time -- he’s shown it to her in so many different ways, from going to see Dr. Turner to visiting her at school to opening up about his feelings while simultaneously keeping her upright on a plane of ice -- there’s something final about really, truly knowing it. 

They sing the rest of the set flawlessly. When _Stand_ _Tall_ finishes as their last song of the night, every word that Julie sings is filled with pure elation and the smiles that Luke sends her as they share the mic once again are unmatched. 

The song ends, and the music stops, and the boys disappear to the party guests -- but Luke stays by her side. 

And while she waves at her peers and thanks them over and over again, he is holding her hand. 

\--

Now that there has been some sort of agreement formed between Julie and Luke, the only logical step remaining is to actually, _ you know _ , say _ ‘I love you’  _ to each other. 

It should not be that hard. Really, it is not that difficult. 

(Tell that to Luke who has tried to tell her six times already, but keeps thinking he’s doing it wrong, and then talks around it. Tell that to Julie, who has the words waiting on the tip of her tongue as an instant response after he says it first, and is let down every single time. Every time they look at each other, the eight letters threaten to tumble out uncontrollably.)

It’s 11:42 PM, and every second is bringing them closer to midnight. Julie keeps pondering if her and Luke will kiss at midnight, and how she might slip away from the main scene of the party to be alone with him, and doesn’t even realize when Flynn is at her side as she stares across the room at Luke and Reggie talking to Alex and Willie. 

“Jules, are you guys… Okay?”

Julie jumps, and the cider in her cup sloshes around. 

“Hmm?”

“You and Luke. There’s just…” Flynn gestures her hand in a circular motion. “A lot of tension happening here.”

“There’s no tension,” Julie tries to deflect, but her and Flynn both know automatically that it is a total lie. “It’s just a lot that I made up in my head.”

“About…?”

Waiting for an answer, Flynn raises her own cup to her lips to drink her cold cider.    
  
“About how he feels about me.”

Julie’s best friend chokes.

“Totally in love with you, you mean?”

A lovelorn sigh falls from the singer’s lips. Her eyes can’t help but be drawn back over to Luke, who is laughing with his best friends and clearly having a great time. 

(She’s really glad he’s having a good time.)

As if he could feel her gaze on him, she watches as Luke starts to look around, stopping his search when he finds her. Suddenly, he’s shy, giving her a small wave before tucking his hands into his pockets and winking at her. 

“Julie, are you- Are you two seriously eyeing each other right now?”

Flynn. Right. She’s still there. 

“Sorry. Yeah. I just wanted to make sure he was having fun.”

Her companion rolls her eyes as she takes another drink. 

“You two are so clueless. You better be bringing him outside to kiss at midnight or so help me-”

_ “Flynn!” _

(Yet another one of Julie’s conversations interrupted. At least this time, it wasn’t with Luke, but she still wishes she could talk to her best friend. They’ve danced a while tonight, sure, but it’s nice to just take a breath and hand out.)

((Julie’s salt at whoever is disrupting is fast to dissipate when she sees it’s Carrie, who has her eyes set on Flynn.))

Both girls greet their approaching friend, who is focused on Flynn with a kind smile and a soft hand laid on her arm. 

“Wanna come dance with me? It’s almost midnight, and I need the best dancer in the room by my side to get me hyped up.”

It takes everything in Julie (and Flynn) not to scream at the top of her (their) lungs. 

(Oh, yes... It’s all coming together!)

Julie, eager to hear Flynn’s answer, fixes her eyes on her best friend expectantly. The girl next to her looks like she is trying to respond, but she words keep getting caught in her throat -- Julie knows the feeling -- but she is practically buzzing with excitement over the invite. 

“I think what you’re trying to say is ‘yes,’” Julie cuts in before Flynn can stumble any more. 

_ “Yes!  _ Yes, that’s what I meant to say, yes.” 

“Awesome,” Carrie hums, reaching out her hand for Flynn to take. She has to stare at it for a good few seconds before finally wrapping it in her own and letting Carrie drag her out onto the dance floor. 

“Aw,” Julie sighs to herself, “young love.”

(Speaking of young love… )

She checks the time on her phone, and notices that it’s all of the sudden 11:57 PM. Midnight is mere minutes away. And she has a boy that she’s trying to kiss. 

Through the speakers, a new song starts with a melodic hum. It’s familiar to Julie -- the new Shawn Mendes song,  _ Wonder _ \-- and it only focuses her mind on the object of her affection: Luke Patterson. 

_ I wonder _

_ If I’m being real _

_ Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel? _

Julie, after desperately turning her head around to look for Luke in the crowd, spots him at last behind a few more people than he was before. Once again, he senses her, and looks up to meet her eyes. 

There’s so much they still need to say. 

_ I wonder _

_ Wouldn’t it be nice to live inside a world that isn’t black and white? _

The two of them smirk as they listen to the next lyrics. They are living in the world that isn’t black and white: Where the line between life and death is smudged, and a ghost and a lifer are in love. 

(To answer Shawn’s question: While it comes with it’s challenges, yes, living in this world is pretty nice.)

_ Right before I close my eyes _

The clock switches to 11:58. They are getting closer, and they can’t take their eyes off of each other even as the world dances around them. 

Julie wonders if Luke, too, is planning an escape plan so that they can meet in the dark corners of Carrie’s house and hold each other like they’ve been craving all night. Just imagining it sends a current through Julie’s bloodstream that zips in every nerve ending of her body.

_ The only thing that’s on my mind _

Out of nowhere, Luke is poofing in at her side. 

She barely has time to allow her breath to catch as a result of her shock before Luke’s hand is wrapping tightly around hers and tugging her out of the kitchen and into a distant, dimly lit hallway. 

_ Been dreaming that you feel it too _

Luke is not that much taller than her, but at the speed he’s walking, she would think he’s almost a foot taller. He’s going so fast that in any other situation where she wasn’t on the brink of letting herself drown in him, she would make a “where’s the fire?” joke. 

The dark hallway turns into one of the guest bathrooms. The door is opening, and closing, and-

_ I wonder what it’s like to be loved by you _

As Shawn Mendes’ voice passionately belts out the final line of the chorus, Luke is lifting Julie onto the bathroom counter by her thighs and standing between her legs to kiss her like he is a dying man. Like he’s been waiting, eagerly and impatiently, to do it all night.

(He has. And she has, too.)

She claws at him more needy than she ever has, with her hands sliding from his chest to his neck to his hair to his back and his arms and everywhere within reach. His arms are snug around her waist as he clearly is holding her as close as possible because he wants her to be, and when she bites his lip he knows it’s over. 

(It’s been over since he first heard her sing. And it’s been over since she brought  _ Unsaid Emily  _ to his mom. It’s been over since she threw herself into his arms, not knowing whether or not she would fall through him.)

He tears himself away from her lips, just for a moment, but it’s enough for her to let out a light gasp at the loss of contact. 

“I love you,” he whispers harshly, completely breathless against her lips. Julie is everywhere, all over him, and he’s surprised he’s able to properly speak when she nudges his nose with hers. “I’m- I’m  _ in _ love with you.”

Julie swoops in to kiss him again, and it’s somehow even more fiery than the first one, and he can feel her legs gripping around his waist to make sure that he stays put. It makes it easier to slide his hand around her neck and squeeze it, impossibly trying to bring their faces closer to each other. Their teeth even clash, but neither of them care -- it only makes Luke bite down on her lip harder. 

“I love you too,” she gasps again, pulling away. He can’t stand another second away, however, and so he relocates his lips to her neck. Julie can barely breathe, and it’s a combination of everything happening, emotionally and physically. “I-” Luke’s teeth sink lightly into her skin, and she almost squeaks at the sensation. “I’m _ in _ love with you, too.”

Her hands are fisting into the hair at the nape of his neck to assure that his lips stay right where they are against her skin, but it’s not like Luke was going anywhere. He’s spent too much time imagining getting to taste her brown skin as he’s watched it glow on and off stage, and he refuses to let the opportunity slip away. 

While both of them are getting lost in a haze of one another, a countdown has begun amongst the screaming and partially drunk party guests-

“ _ 5…. 4….. 3…. 2…. 1! Happy New Year!” _

Party favor horns blare throughout the rooms, and the attendants erupt in cheers. Luke, reluctantly, pulls away from Julie’s collar bone with a blinding smile. 

“Happy New Year, Estrella.”

Julie grins wider than she thinks she ever has while performing on stage. 

“Feliz Año Nuevo,  _ cariño _ .” 

Luke’s eyebrows raise in a question. 

  
  
“Cariño? That's new. What’s it mean?”

(The nickname, a vast difference from "Babe," had slipped out in the moment. It is more tender, more romantic, and more like flowing hot lava than just the granola "Babe" -- something that hadn't awakened in Julie until he told her, directly, that he loved her. Maybe that was all she needed this whole time, was that little push from him.)

His girlfriend leans in to brush her fingertips over the bangs draped across his forehead, leaving a small peck on his nose in her wake. 

“It means darling,” she answers him in a whisper. “... Do you mind that I call you that?”

“No!” Luke is quick to correct her. “No, I love it, I get to hear you speak Spanish, and honestly…” He leans into her ear, “it might be hotter than when you sing.  _ Might _ . Maybe it’s tied.”

Julie’s deliriously happy giggle rings out as Luke begins peppering small kisses along her cheek, jaw, and neck. Her and Luke aren’t always like this -- calling each other hot, making out, interacting on this level of intimacy. She doesn’t know if it is new for Luke, but it’s new for her, and a crazy hopeless part of her is so comfortable and happy that she’s doing it with someone who she loves, and loves her back. 

“I wish we could stay he-”

“Hey!” Obnoxious knocking interrupts Julie’s words. “You almost done in there?”

“You should tell him no,” Luke mumbles against her mouth as he brings her in for another kiss. His voice is quiet, half-muffled by her lips. “We could stay here. Just like you wanted.”

“But we can always just do this at home, right?” Julie kisses back. “Instead of raising suspicion about the... Sounds, that I’ve been making,  _ alone _ .”

The ghost pouts at her, but knows that she’s right; so he nods, lays a kiss to the corner of her mouth, and takes Julie’s hands to help her slip off of the countertop. 

(Besides, the prospect of continuing later, with guaranteed privacy, is too good to set aside.)

As the two of them leave the bathroom, Luke is happy to fiercely glare at the dumb guy who interrupted them. While he isn’t pleased at the fact that he didn’t get to enjoy more of Julie alone, he can be satisfied that she gives the guy an extremely shy smile and avoids his eyes. 

They reach the edge of the hall, about to approach the main party area, when Julie stops them. In a subtle voice, she says:   
  
“Maybe we should corral everyone? Just because now that it’s after midnight, everything here will be taking a turn for the worst, and we can always keep celebrating at home.”

“That sounds good,” Luke agrees with a nod. “I’ll get the guys and meet you at the car?”

The two of them settle the plan, and Julie takes off into the sweaty pool of teens to find her best friend. 

Who is currently sitting in Carrie’s lap. 

(Oh my God, get it, Flynn!)

_ “Julie!” _ The two girls happily exclaim upon seeing their friend. Carrie continues, “hey, is it okay if I keep Flynn for the night? I’m going to bring her home in the morning, and I’m going to be kicking people out in the next ten minutes anyways. I don’t want any of these idiots spending the night uninvited.”

Julie’s first priority, of course, is assuring that this arrangement is okay with her best friend -- but it only takes one look at Flynn, who gives her an excited grin while lovingly squeezing Carrie’s shoulders, to know that she is beyond okay with the situation. 

“Yeah! Uh- I’ll tell my dad when I get home. Just let me know if you guys need anything, okay?” Obliviously happy, the two girls nod. “... Okay. Well, have fun you two!”

(As strange and sudden as it is, Julie can’t wait to celebrate with Flynn the second her overnight stay ends.)

That’s how she finds herself meandering through dancing bodies alone, out to the chilly air in Carrie’s dark driveway. Her car is in sight, with Luke and the guys resting against it to wait for her. 

(She loves them all so much. Like, the way that they’re waiting to make sure they can see her leave the party okay? She could cry.)

“Ready, Boss?” Luke calls out to her. Reggie and Alex send each other a knowing look, and she wonders if Luke already took the thirty seconds he was left alone to spill the beans. 

Or he didn’t, and Reggie and Alex clearly noticed their absence for a solid 5-10 minutes. 

Julie presses the unlock button on her FOB. 

“Let’s head out, boys!”

\--

“Julie, that was so much fun, I-”

“I can’t believe you missed Flynn and Carrie! Willie and I were watching them all night!”

“You guys didn’t hook up in a bathroom or anything, did you?”

Julie almost slams on her breaks when Reggie pops the question. 

_ “Oh my God, Reggie!” _ Her and Luke, both sitting in the front of the car, scold their bassist. 

****  
  


“We did not hook up in the bathroom, Reg,” Luke continues, exasperated and blushing bright red. “We-” Him and Julie share a look. “We may have done something, but not… That.”

“In a bathroom, Reggie, _ really? _ You really think we would do that in a bathroom?”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Alex jumps in, furrowing his eyebrows at Julie like she has started growing a second head. 

“I have a boyfriend, and what I do with him is our business, but the fact that you think we would do it for the first time in a bathroom at somebody else’s house-”

“A lot of people do it!”

“-Is disgusting, Reggie!”

As Reggie and Julie continue their back-and-forth over the implications of her and Luke christening Carrie’s bathroom, Alex observes the heated discussion with minor concern but mostly amusement at how choked up Luke looks. Poor guy is listening to his girlfriend and best friend debate on whether or not a bathroom is a good place to hook up.

“We are not doing anything in a bathroom!” He suddenly outbursts, cutting off Reggie. Julie gives him a thankful smile. 

“Thank you, Luke.”

“Is this what having a couple in the band is always going to be like?” Alex jumps in, leaning over Julie’s seat to get a better view of everyone in the car. Luke snorts and crosses his arms. 

“Only if you make it like this,” the guitarist responds. Julie agrees automatically, and is quick to change the subject to someone’s romantic life other than her own. 

“Alex!” She begins, “how was Willie? Did he have fun? You guys kissed, right?”

The drummer, as expected, practically melts. And hearing him gush about his own boyfriend, who he loves more than anything, prompts Julie to take her right hand off of the wheel to take Luke’s left hand; lacing their fingers together in between them. 

Luke draws little stars into her wrist the rest of the drive home. 

\--

Later that night, at 1:49 AM, Julie has showered, Luke has changed, and they are up in her bedroom, cuddling on the floor as they pass a bottle of apple cider between them. 

“Okay, okay wait,” Julie giggles into Luke’s shoulder, practically collapsing onto him as he lifts the bottle to his mouth for another drink. The sugar rush and carbonation have started going straight to her head. “I have a serious question.”

“Okay,” Luke responds, mocking a serious expression and nodding before swiftly leaning in to kiss her. “Go,” he kisses her again, “serious question.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you loved me sooner?”

As expected, he pulls away, but he doesn’t go far. 

Instead of retreating into himself as he normally does in any emotional situation, the 2 AM-vibes have him feeling some type of way, and so he pulls her to sit in between his legs instead as he sits up against the side of her bed. He watches as she nervously twists the ring on her right finger in front of them, and lets his hands cover hers. 

“It’s no excuse, but it was me being overly emotional and neglecting my feelings at the same time,” he starts. “You started telling us how you loved us all of the time, and the boys would tell you, and- I couldn’t say it, because I didn’t want to lie.” Julie tenses in his arms. “I don’t just love you, I’m in love with you. Like I said. And you obviously were just using it in the platonic sense, but I didn’t want to use it that way because I wouldn’t have been able to. I would have tried to say it, and came out with ‘I’m in love with you’ instead, and that would have been a whole conversation, and-”

Julie’s body completely relaxes against his, and she lays herself back so that her back is fully in contact with the planes of his chest and her head is rested on his shoulder. 

“... This is a lame excuse isn’t it?”

She hums as she plays with his fingers in her lap, shifting so that she is snuggling even closer to him somehow. 

“Keep trying. I’m listening.’

(And he loves her for it.)

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I just was afraid of it. I was afraid you only would ever mean it to be friendly, and that I would hate saying it in the same way when I knew I felt differently. So, like I love to do, I ran from it.”

Julie rolls her head to the right so that it is lying right on his chest, and her forehead is pressed into the curve of his neck. He takes it as an invitation to press a kiss into her beautiful, wild hair. 

“But,” he mumbles, “between you and me, I’ve been trying to tell you since the day I brought you homework at school.” 

A small kiss is placed against his neck, and suddenly, everything is right again. He found the words. He explained himself. He didn’t run away. 

“I’ve been thinking about it since the appointment with Dr. Turner,” Julie whispers into his thin tank. “I win.”

“Wh- Wait-” The singer lightly laughs into his chest. “I can’t believe you’ve been in love with me this whole time!”

“Can’t you?” 

Her comeback is pathetic, but it’s adorable to him, and the perfect transition for her to turn in his lap and straddle him to be face-to-face instead. Her hands reach in front of her to cup his face; and she bites her lip at the pure shine in his eyes. The love -- the love she saw onstage at the party. 

He covers one of her hands in his to hold it in place while he turns to kiss her wrist, the same wrist that he had been tracing stars on an hour before. 

“How do I say it in Spanish?” Luke finally says, grinning up at Julie as he sinks his teeth into his lower lip. She brushes her thumbs across his face. 

“There’s a few ways, but…  _ Te amo. _ ”

_ “‘Te amo’?” _

“Si,” Julie nods, smiling through her chuckles. “Te amo, cariño.”

They press their foreheads together -- but not before Luke tilts his head up to press a long, soft kiss to hers. Against her forehead, he murmurs:

“Te amo, mi mariposa.”

(And that’s how their New Year starts. I wish you, dear reader, the same happiness in 2021.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2021 is in like... a day. this is my last chapter before the new year, which is so crazy!!
> 
> for the +1, i might bring it back to the pining days before they were together just for some extra tension and spice. that's always fun. lemme know if you have a preference, but overall, thank you so much for reading this and thank you for the kindness and support you have always shown this fic. i love every one of you. happy fucking new year.


	6. +i. julie's bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> luke helps julie study. steamier than it sounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST CHAPTER OF 2021 BITCHES!!!! pretty good way to start the new year off if you ask me. 
> 
> THIS IS TAKING PLACE IN BETWEEN PART TWO (school visit) AND PART THREE (ice rink)
> 
> I have been literally dying for the time to come for me to release this chapter because when I started this 5+1 anthology, the first idea that came into my head was this one. Finally, FINALLY, I get to share it with you all. 
> 
> prepare to never think about wwi the same again.

_ Austria/Hungary declared war on Serbia, and then Russia defended Serbia and Germany defended Austria-Hungary, and then France defended Russia and the UK defended France, and- _

Julie’s forehead slams against the soft paper of the textbook. 

While World War I is…  _ Interesting _ , her teacher has force fed so many facts and events and battles down her throat that she has been exhausting her brain to keep inside. The test will be on Monday, as soon as they come back from the weekend, and no amount of studying -- and trust me, Julie has done a lot -- has successfully gotten the bulk of it to stick. 

_ Austria/Hungary declared war on Serbia, and then Russia defended Serbia and Germany defended Austria-Hungary, and then France defended Russia and the UK defended France, and- _

A silky tapping on her door derails her train of thought once again. 

  
Julie assumes that it’s her dad, because Carlos wouldn’t knock and she hasn’t seen the guys all day. Exhausted, she calls out:

“Come in!”

Surprisingly, Luke walks through her door with a sunshine grin on his face. It falters upon focusing in on her less-than-enthusiastic expression. 

“Hey, Boss,” he furrows his eyebrows. “Busy?”

“Unfortunately,” she responds, eyeing him as he sits on her bed. “What’s up with you today?”

The guitarist shrugs. 

“... Helping you with whatever that is?”

(Oh no.  _ Oh no _ . Oh no, no, no, no, NO. Julie will not survive spending the next hour or two with Luke trying to study, or she will… She doesn’t know. Unspeakable things will occur, obviously.)

“Oh!” Julie glances back down at her textbook and surrounding notes, trying to come up with a quick excuse. “Uh… No, that’s okay, I’m just studying.”

“Cool! I’ll help you with that then.”

“I don’t really study with people…”

“Well studying alone has you banging your head against that book, so I’d say it’s time for a change, wouldn’t you?”

He’s totally right, and Julie wants to, but if anything is her weakness -- it’s Luke. Especially after the entire day that they spent together at her school, when he held her hand in the hallways and gave her hugs in dark, unoccupied rooms to make her day. 

Overnight, her feelings for Luke seemed to have progressed from an infatuation that took up a little too much space in her head to a heated chill that rattled her every bone when he was around. Now thoughts of him were always in her head in one way or another, and she was always physically aware of where he was and how close he was in a room. If he wasn’t close enough, she wanted to be closer; and if he wasn’t smiling at her, she would make him.

_ He hung the stars for her.  _

It was unlike any crush that she had ever had. 

(“You’re literally in love,” Flynn says. Julie knows. It doesn’t make the continued realization different.)

Right now, she desperately wants to lock herself in her bedroom with him and sit close together while they share whispers about a war from 100 years ago. 

The real question is whether or not she will remember any of it when they stop. 

“C’mon, Jules,” Luke urges her after seeing her long period of hesitation. “Let me help! I know how much school stuff stresses you out, and you gotta keep your grades up, so… Let’s just figure out a way I can help. I don’t want you to be worried about it.”

Her defiant stare relaxes. 

“I- Okay,” she relents with an unconvinced nod, “Let’s see what you can do.”

At his victory, Luke bounces off of her bed to approach her at her desk. Instead of pulling up his own chair or beanbag, he favors leaning over her and bracing his hands on either side of her on her desk. 

Her heart kicks in her chest uneasily. 

( _ He just wants to look at the notes, _ she thinks to herself.  _ And he’s a touchy guy. Don’t read into it. _ )

But his hair reaches up to brush some of her hair behind her shoulder and out of his way, and his touch is so gentle and light that Julie feels shudders all the way down to her toes. 

_ (Don’t. Read. Into it.) _

“World War I,” he hums, pursing his lips. “I’ve… Heard of it?”

A giggle uncontrollably rings from Julie’s mouth.    
  
“Yeah, uh… It’s not like it’s a boring war or anything, it’s just… Boring right now, I guess.”

When Luke chuckles into her ear and leans his forehead against her hair in response, the air in Julie’s lungs painfully freezes in-place. His proximity could be considered a form of intoxication, because with him so close and literally touching her, Julie doesn’t think she has the mental capacity for anything else. 

Trying to put some distance between the two of them and regain her focus, Julie uncomfortably rolls her neck from side to side. There’s about a dozen knots that have formed from many days and nights spent at her desk, doing homework, she has started to accept that there will be no getting them out. 

But, she can try for a little relief, so she continues rotating her neck. 

She doesn’t see how Luke is watching her, mesmerized at the way her curls swish from side to side as she slowly sways her head around. 

(A lot of thoughts pop, unwelcomed, into his head. How badly he wants to run his lips across her neck, which is exposed as the hair falls away; how peaceful she looks while her head lulls from shoulder to shoulder; how badly he wants to pull her away from homework to spend the day with him on the couch in the garage and not worry about anything.)

“Are you okay?” He finds himself asking instead, hoping she doesn’t notice how raspy he sounds. Her peace dissipates, and her eyes open to meet his.   
  
“Fine,” she pathetically assures him, raising a hand to massage where her neck meets her shoulder. “Just have a few knots here and there.”

Luke can’t stop himself before he places his left hand over her right in the spot that she had been pressing her fingers into. He observes as Julie’s jaw slacks, and her hand stills, and her eyes trail up to meet his with complete shock. 

“Do-” He begins, unsure of how to ask. “Do you need me, to like, help? While you study? You won’t remember anything if you’re all locked up like this. You need to relax.”

Julie cannot believe what she’s hearing. 

Correct her if she’s wrong, but…  _ Is he really offering a shoulder massage while she studies?  _

There’s only one way that this is possible. She’s dreaming. She fell asleep while trying to study and she’s dreaming up this entire thing, because there’s no way Luke would come into her room in all his sleeveless glory to give a massage to her pajama-clad shoulders. 

“You- You don’t-” Julie starts to reject his offer, but he’s standing next to her while squeezing his jean chains in his left hand and she notices that he’s just as anxious as she is. “You’d really do that?”

“Anything, Julie. You know that.”

(He says that to her all of the time, and at first Julie didn’t notice, but he’s started to say it enough that she is very much aware of every time he has said it to her. It reminds her of the movie  _ The Princess Bride _ , when Wesley would always respond to any request made by Buttercup with “as you wish,” and that was how he told her he loved her every day.) 

((When he says it, he looks at her like he did when he called her a star -- as if she outshines every star in the sky. She holds onto the possibility that comes with  _ that look _ like it is a lifeline.))

Stunned, and shy, but in love above all else, Julie sends him one of her best smiles. 

“I would really appreciate that, Luke.”

His green eyes widen with happiness, and he wastes no time in returning to her bubble of personal space and rests his hands on her shoulders. 

(Julie tries to memorize their warmth. But no one has to know that.)

“Close your eyes,” he instructs. His voice is suddenly velvet, and his hands are soft on her neck and shoulders, and Julie is almost desperate enough to slide her loose pajama shirt off of the curve of her shoulders just to have complete skin-on-skin contact. 

(But that’s extremely thirsty of her, and she needs to teach herself self-control, so she allows her eyes to flutter shut and stays still.)

The sound of paper rustling in front of her makes her crack her eyes open, though, and she watches as Luke leans further into her to take her study guide and prop it up in front of them so that he can read it. 

A light squeeze on her shoulders gets her attention. 

“Hey, I see you looking. Close your eyes.”

With a small smile, she follows his instructions once again. The anticipation is building in her stomach for Luke to start, and she doesn’t realize it, but it’s building for him too. 

“Okay,” he mutters with a sigh, and allows both of his hands to return to her shoulders. Her pajamas are fuzzy under his hands, but he wants her skin, so he shifts both hands inward to her neck, and begins. 

It starts simple -- just pressing his thumbs carefully around to feel for the knots. They rub meticulous circles around the base of her neck, and then out towards her shoulders, and he fearlessly slips his fingers under her sweatshirt to feel her. He can practically hear Julie’s uneven breathing in front of him, and she can’t see it but he satisfyingly smiles to himself. 

Once he has found the knots, he returns to the first one he felt and focuses his thumbs around it. 

(The knot hurts, but Luke is carefully maneuvering it and her stomach is flipping from the calluses on his thumbs imprinting into her lower neck.)

After jolting the knot particularly roughly, and Julie gasps at the temporary relief, and Luke takes it as an invitation to start. 

“Who was the president during World War I?”

Julie almost wants to kill him. If he wasn’t already dead, of course.

(He’s giving her a shoulder massage and she’s breathless and he really wants to start quizzing her now? The heat from his hands softly stroking the base of her neck is all that Julie has been able to think about, and Woodrow Wilson does not quite fit the energy they’ve created in the studio today.)

“Woodrow Wilson,” she mumbles, just trying to consciously get it out and not reveal how distracted she is. 

“Good,” he whispers into her hair, allowing his hands to lighten their pressure and glide across her skin indulgently to the right to find the next knot for him to work through. “What was the first battle of the war?”

His fingers dig in around the new knot, and the shock makes Julie’s breath catch completely with a light, higher sound quietly leaving her lips. She finds herself desperately hoping he didn’t hear it, but with the way he rhythmically continues to work the knot, she knows he did. 

“Julie.” All of the sudden, he’s right next to her ear, and taking away even more of her focus. But a small ounce of concentration battles its way through to find an answer. 

“The First Battle of Marne,” she gets out, but it’s barely audible to her, so she wonders if Luke even heard-

“What was that?”

_ “The First Battle of Marne.” _

“Good job,” he tells her, and he’s back next to her ear; moving up to kiss the top of her head underneath her wild rings of hair. Julie has to inhale deeply, and she feels every breath she takes getting deeper and deeper with every passing second. 

(At this point, her motivation to answer the questions correctly is less to prepare for the test and more to receive whatever reward that Luke is willing to offer her.)

His fingers work through the knot, and so he moves to the final one on his list. As his hands slide across her back again to reach her other shoulder -- he refuses to physically lift his hands from her skin -- he scans the study guide for another random question. 

“What treaty concluded the war and what country was blamed?”

Julie feels his fingers pressing against her collar bone while his thumbs once again make work of the knot in her lower neck/shoulder. She feels small jolts of pain every time he rolls it between his two thumbs, but a hot relief follows. 

“The Treaty of-” A sharp pressure is applied to the knot, and Luke’s fingers are pressing roughly into her neck, and it’s too much in the moment. The sound that comes up through Julie’s throat is lower and quieter, but Luke hears it, because he presses his forehead to the back of her head, burying it in her hair, and he says-

“Keep going. _ Say it _ .” 

“The Treaty of Versailles,” she finally forces out with the last bit of air in her lungs.

Her reward is less verbal, and more of a hum -- but there is more coming. 

“... And which country was held responsible?”

Just as she opens her mouth to answer, there’s a light sensation at the slope where her neck becomes her shoulder, and the burning deep in her stomach ignites into a forest fire. 

Luke has left his fingers pressed into her neck, back and shoulder, but is attempting a new remedy for this specific knot. He gave into the growing urge to feel her skin under his lips, and allowed his head to drop into the curve of her neck to kiss the spot that he knows the knot is lying under. 

Julie’s head completely surrenders to the fight to stay upright, and falls back to relax against his shoulder; all of her muscles crumbling under his hands.

“Julie,” he murmurs into her skin, and she can still feel his lips against her shoulder as he speaks, “I asked you a question.”

“Mhm,” she hums to respond, distracted by the fact that  _ any _ of this is happening. “What was that question again?”

In any other situation, she would want to crawl into a hole and never emerge at how taken she sounds -- she’s practically breathless, and her voice is octaves higher than it’s ever been, but a boy is currently nuzzling her neck while quizzing her on the first world war and she can’t find it in herself to be self-conscious at how obviously affected she is. 

Luke brushes hair away from her shoulder to pepper kisses to a new area. When he tugs at the neck of her pajama top to expose more skin, he almost forgets to ask his question again.

“What country was held responsible for the war?”

“Oh, it’s Germany,” Julie answers, quicker than the first couple questions. Taking her by surprise, one of Luke’s hands has recentered around the third knot in her neck to continue working at it. His thumb swipes at it aggressively to reward her answer. 

“Right again, Boss.” 

A few moments pass where Julie is wondering if she’s going to get another question. Her heart is pounding -- Luke’s mouth is still lazily tracing useless patterns across the skin of her neck and shoulder, and she is panting while resting against his shoulder, and she’s fine if she never leaves this position for the rest of the day.

On it’s own volition, her left hand decides to reach up and latch onto some of Luke’s hair at the back of his head. She can’t quite reach his neck, so she settles for what she can reach, and when she stops using muscle power to lift her hand she relaxes it immediately. Her hand, wrapping itself in his soft brown hair, accidentally tugs on it. 

The reaction she gets is unexpected but absolutely lovely -- he parts his lips further and allows his teeth to softly bite into her. 

This time, Julie does gasp; and Luke is dragged from his haze. 

The hardly audible whine that leaves the singer when he detaches from her skin is almost enough to tempt him to dive back in, but he firmly reminds himself that he has a job to do. So, he uses his right hand to guide Julie’s head upright and off of his shoulder, and rests his hands on each side of her neck to refocus her on studying. 

“Sorry about that,” he mumbles, feeling like he probably is bright red at the moment. “I didn’t mean to distract you.”

Julie spins around in her chair so fast it almost gives her whiplash. 

“No, you definitely didn’t distract me,” she insists. “You were right. I needed to relax.”

Luke, suddenly self-conscious of how forward he was, shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Julie is trying to give him a reassuring look, and even goes as far as to reach out to take his right hand. 

He stares at it for a good ten seconds before there’s a knock at Julie’s door. 

“Mija?” Ray calls from the other side. “Can I come in?”

Even though it’s her father, Julie looks to Luke for permission. He thinks, for a flash of a moment, that she might want him to say no. That she wants him to say no, that he wants them to stay in her room alone, that he would like to keep ravishing her and helping her study for a test. 

But he nods instead. 

(He wants to do all of that, believe me, more than anything -- but he doesn’t want Julie to raise Ray’s suspicions.)

“Yeah,” she responds, and it shocks both her and Luke how raw her voice sounds. “Come in.”

Ray opens the door and takes a look around the room, like he senses someone is there but can’t see them. When he finally focuses in on Julie, he gives her a once-over, and raises his eyebrows. 

“You okay, mija? You look a little…” Her father does extremely vague hand gestures around his head. “Is the studying that rough?”

(Julie feels purely mortified. Does she really look as frazzled as she feels?)

“Yeah!” She exclaims, voice still high and uneasy. Luke twiddles his thumbs, the same thumbs that were religiously working her skin moments before. “Just… Tired and stressed. You know how it goes.”

“Right…” Ray nods, still clearly suspicious. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to come run some quick errands with me? You’ve been up here for a long time, and I just think you might need some fresh air. When we get back you can stay up here for the rest of the night if you want. Just take your mind off of things.”

Julie’s mind is already taken off of things. She’s too busy trying to mentally relive the moment when Luke pressed his lips to her neck for the first time and praying that she’ll get to feel his hands working her skin again in the near future. 

Ray is looking at her expectantly, and he doesn’t know Luke is in the room, but when Julie feels the ghost’s fingers trailing up the back of her neck she can’t help but visibly tense as he slowly sets off all of her nerves. 

“You should go,” he encourages her. “We can study later.”

_ Later. _ There’s a promise of later. 

And that’s all that Julie needs to agree to get out of the house for a couple of hours. 

\--

When she returns, she finds Luke laying on her bed and flipping through her study guide. The sight is definitely welcomed. 

(Internally, she is happily freaking out. He’s there, On her bed. Waiting to hopefully continue whatever the hell it was that they were doing before her dad interrupted. She thinks about if he’ll touch her like that again. Or even kiss her, if she’s lucky.)

((She wonders if he will do it if she asks him to.))

“Hey, Boss,” he calls out with a surprisingly even tone. Then, his hand raises to waive the packet around. “Ready to keep going?”

More eager than Julie would like to admit, she jumps onto the bed and makes herself comfortable next to Luke.

(If you asked, she wouldn’t be able to explain why she is not panicking about the meaning of their… Excited interaction. In any other situation, she would be overthinking about whether or not Luke loved her back. But right now, she feels like he definitely sees her in a way that is more than friendly, and if that’s what she can get from him then she will take it.)

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she responds, finally settling against the headboard. “Getting out of the house for a bit was nice. But I’m ready to focus.”

“Cool, cool…” Luke trails off, folding the paper in his hands. “I looked more at your study guide so I could actually know the questions, and-”

“You did? You… You took the time to do that?”

“Of course,” is his instant comeback. He says it so effortlessly that it makes Julie’s heart swell. 

(Maybe, in some small, distant part of him, he loves her too. Maybe she hung the stars for him.)

“Wow, uh… Thank you. You really didn’t have to do that. Thank you.”

His returned smile is so soft and kind -- a different vibe than how they had been hours before. It’s… How would Julie put it…

Adoring. 

But then Luke is enthusiastically patting the bed in front of him, crossing his legs to sit up straighter, and urges Julie to join him. 

“C’mere Jules. We’re gonna pick up where we left off.”

Filled to the brim with anticipation, Julie crawls onto the bed and mirrors his position in front of him as he directs her to do so. She finds herself sitting criss-cross with her back facing Luke, who is going to quiz her as he… 

Well, Julie doesn’t know yet. But she has hopes.

(Hopes that involve everything that he did the first time.)

“You comfortable?” 

She nods. There are so many thoughts in her head, about how it feels so exhilarating to be close to him, how she thought of his hands and his lips the entire time that she was gone, how loved she felt as he showered her with affection of the likes that she has never known. 

The anticipation around them builds.

Luke, from behind her, quietly gulps as he stares at her waiting form. His hands, in his lap, twitch to reach out to her. 

“What was the event that sparked the war?”

Before Julie is given the chance to answer the question, he brings his hands up from his lap to lightly run up and down the planes of her back. The shirt that she is wearing is much thinner now, as she had changed to go out with her dad, and Luke swears he can feel her skin under it. But he’s probably just imagining it. 

Julie’s response is sorely delayed. Once again, her mind travels from World War I to the familiar feeling of Luke’s fingertips tracing up and down her back, tickling her senses and relaxing every muscle in her back. 

“The assasination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand,” she tells him, relatively composed. Maybe this will be more laid-back than the first time, and she’ll keep it together. 

“Nice.” His voice is encouraging, and she feels pride rise up in her chest. “And who killed him?”

His hands slide up and across her shoulders, even a little down her arms. Julie lets out an excruciatingly slow exhale to manage her heart rate. 

(It’s such a simple touch -- not even skin-on-skin -- but there is warmth in it. There’s affection in it. It leaves a soft tingle in its wake as it travels around her back, constantly searching for a new place to touch.)

“Serbian nationalists.”

“Mhm,” he hums, distracted by watching his hands run along her back like they were made for it.

Luke hears how level her voice is -- and can’t help but be tempted to push farther. He had tried to convince himself to take it easy, to not let himself get carried away again; but now that he’s here and Julie’s here and he can feel her he wants to be closer. He wants to get her to react how she did earlier. 

So, he slides his hands far up her back, over her neck, and...

“What was Wilson’s idea to try and prevent another world war from happening?”

His fingers find purchase in her thick curls, scratching slowly against her scalp in small circles. 

Julie can’t calm herself down this time. The feeling of his calluses lovingly massaging her head is purely euphoric, and she can’t help but let her head roll back into his hands to ask for more. She is less breathing and more letting out a series of deep sighs, but the air is able to enter and exit her lungs, so it really doesn’t matter how it is doing it. 

“Oh, that feels nice,” she finds herself saying without even thinking twice about it. Suddenly a little proud of himself, Luke curls his fingers to drag his nails excruciatingly slow against her scalp.  _ “Oh,” _ Julie murmurs once again, barely aware of the words and sounds coming out of her mouth anymore. 

Luke scolds himself for getting carried away again. Using his hands which are already in her hair, he presses against her head to make sure she is looking ahead and not tilting it back. 

“Focus, Jules.”

“Mm, sorry.”

“What was Wilson’s idea to try and prevent another world war from happening?”

He doesn’t stop his fingers from roaming around in her hair, and stares at Julie expectantly from behind her as he waits for her to tell him the answer. 

Julie is dizzy as he keeps massaging her scalp, but manages to respond:   
  
“The League of Nations.”

“Great job, Jules.”

Julie starts to wonder if half of the satisfaction that she is getting from her correct answers is not just from the small actions he takes to get a reaction out of her, but his little words of praise as well. His voice is so low in the moment, and he’s distracted by her, and he mutters little confirmations to her as he runs his hands over her skin like they are meant to do so. 

Combined, it overwhelms her -- especially when her reward for this question is a firm yet light tug on her locks while his hands slip out of her hair. 

It’s so unexpected that the sound that emerges from her lips is louder than the others from before: A low, yet short-lived, groan. 

Rising from her throat without permission. 

Luke tenses at the sound; endlessly shocked that she reacts like that at his touch, and he finds himself scooting forward, closer to her back. 

“What is the name of the ship that was sunk my German submarines?”

Julie jumps when Luke’s mouth is adjacent to her ear without warning, but she relishes in his proximity and the echo of his voice in her right ear. His hands slink up from his lap and up her back, now returning to the back rub with longer, more aware strokes; rotating between using the pads of his fingers to his fingernails. 

(She can’t help but be minorly disappointed that he hasn’t raised the stakes yet again, but pushes it aside to relax into his touch and search her brain for the answer.)

“The Lusitania,” she answers, and Luke notices how her voice is once again more composed. 

(He can’t help that it feels like she’s tempting him for more.)

So, to deliver, he slides his hands down her back once again and stops at her hips. Letting his hands rest, firmly, on each side, he leans forward to press a kiss to a randomly chosen spot on her back. 

And another.

And another. 

It’s such an oddly hair-raising feeling -- Julie is wearing a shirt, but the heat of his face and the pressure of his mouth can be felt through the fabric, and the knowledge that he is consciously leaning down to do this makes her break out in goosebumps. 

“What was the nickname,” Luke starts again, continuing to travel around her back and pepper kisses wherever he can, cocky at the feeling of Julie’s heavy breathing under his hands, “for the 369th infantry of the New York Army?”

Julie answers rapidly because 1) she knows the answer confidently, and 2) she is craving whatever positive reinforcement Luke has in store for her now. 

“The Harlem Hellfighters,” she mumbles into the air in front of her, tilting her head up in anticipation of his next move. 

He doesn’t disappoint. 

Maintaining the slow tempo that he had set, his right hand carefully tries to brush her hair away from the back of her neck. Eventually, after a couple attempts, cool air brushes along the exposed skin -- but it doesn’t stay like that for long. 

Luke leans his head forward, tilting it to the right, and anchors his lips to the area where her spine runs into her neck. It’s the first contact with her skin that he has made, and Julie had been anxiously and impatiently expecting it soon, which makes the sudden payoff all the more satisfying. 

An undefeatable grin, accompanied by a delirious sigh, makes its way onto her lips. It doesn’t occur to her whether or not Luke can see it. 

She can even feel light whispers of his bangs on her neck, and his lips are so warm, and if he even tries to pull away without doing this for the rest of the day she might have no choice but to be a little mad at him. So, when she grabs his hands that are still gripping at her waist and pulls them fully around her in a hug, she is just avoiding future conflict. 

Which is successful -- at her bold move to wrap his arms around her, he squeezes her even closer to him, and abandons his criss-cross seated position to fold his legs underneath him so that he can feel Julie’s back against his chest. 

His lips find their way back to her shoulders and neck like they are coming home. 

Both of them have forgotten about studying, more focused on fulfilling their need for touch. Julie’s arms are around her waist, covering his, desperate to keep him holding onto her as he kisses her like he had hours ago. Her reaction is nearly identical -- panting heavily, closing her eyes to focus on the sensation, and trying to control all of the thoughts entering her mind unannounced as the guitarist continues his appraisal of her skin. 

(She has to be dreaming. This is, genuinely, only a situation she could have conceived in a dream.)

But she isn’t dreaming, because Luke is real, and he’s behind her, and he’s internally begging the powers that be in the universe to let him stay like this forever. To let them stay like this forever -- or, as long as Julie will allow. 

Her head finds its way back to lean against his shoulder, too overwhelmed to remain upright, and when she turns her head to the side as he is busy against her neck to quickly peck her lips against his cheek, Luke swears that he may have died a second time. 

Neither of them can vividly remember what brought them to stop. 

They definitely remained in their dreamland for longer than either of them were expecting, and were ripped away from it when Alex and Reggie came knocking on Julie’s door to ask about having an impromptu rehearsal. 

If they noticed Luke’s swollen lips, and the red areas across Julie’s neck, and the dilated pupils of both parties, then neither Alex nor Reggie chose to comment in that moment. 

When Julie goes to bed that night, she finds herself dreaming of Luke and his hands. When Luke shuts his eyes, he thinks of Julie and how she sounded while giving her answers completely out-of-breath. 

That night, after their quick practice that both of them surprisingly got through without any raging tension, Luke approaches Julie while she leaves the garage and thanks her for letting him help her today. His gaze is marbled with “you’re a star, Julie” and the dilated pupils she got while they were in her bedroom, and the devotion to him that lives in her heart pulses steadily through her veins. 

He may have hung the stars for her, but he did it for her to outshine them. 

That week, Julie gets an astounding A on the test. 

Neither of them are shocked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH last official chapter!!! the next update will be a big mixed chapter of bonus ideas that didn't make it here. i don't know when it will be out, since school starts for me soon and I unfortunately have responsibilities to return to. shitty, i know. 
> 
> but enough about that -- this is a really happy moment. happy new year to you beautiful bitches, i love you so much, and i hope you know that. see you soon. thank you for reading.


	7. bonus: three mini scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three little ideas that never made it into the main 5+1.  
> one in public, and the other two are not private, but not public either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe we reached the end of the road for this fic. I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY FINISHED SOMETHING!??!  
> wild.   
> anyways.  
> dedicated to chloe and sab and ophelia bc y'all always hyped me up and supported me through this whole series and all of my other half-finished ideas. maybe some of those half-finished ideas will actually become finished now that this is done lol!!!!!

**_The Winter Showcase_ ** **_{Public}_ **

Julie has zero reason to be nervous about this concert -- except for the fact that, you know, she has a solo for the first time in a year, and is expected to sing an entire song by herself. 

Just her and the piano. 

And a packed auditorium. 

(And a pit orchestra.)

The music program’s Winter Recital was tonight, the last Friday before winter break officially started. They had been preparing in class with assigned groups and songs to sing, and Julie was the lucky recipient of the most prized solo in the showcase:

The modern classic.

While most of the showcase was filled with traditional carols to commemorate the holiday season, Miss Harrison was able to put one song that is of the more modern variety (modern being the last 40 years) in the showcase, and she will make it one of three solos available in the show. 

This year, the song was _ Santa Tell Me _ , and Julie had been obsessively rehearsing it for weeks. 

“Jules, you kill everything you perform. This won’t be any different!” Luke would try to hype her up as she frustratedly pulled her hair out at the piano, but it was hard for him to be convincing when she refused to let him hear the song. 

(Along with the pressure of a solo, the contents of the song were hitting a little too close to home for her at the moment, and she did not want him to hear it until the final performance.)

He begged, though. He had been dying to hear her sing (but when is he not?)

“You’ll hear it on the night of the performance,” she would reassure him, pulling her sheet music out of view. “That’s when I want you to hear it, and that's when it’ll be best.”

“Everything you do is already at its best, Julie.” He came to sit next to her on the bench, nudging her with his corporeal shoulder. “I know that you’re being hard on yourself because you haven’t had a solo in awhile. But your teacher gave this to you for a reason. She wouldn’t have assigned you the song if she didn’t think you were gonna rock it!”

Julie had smiled at his familiar words, and felt the same energy rising in her that he inspired the first time he wanted her to perform for the school. She had been searching for the words to say, but he continued talking instead. 

“And besides, we’re all gonna be there for you. If you start freaking out, just look at me. Like any other show we’ve ever done. And I’ll be right here.”

As Julie got ready, she repeated those words to herself over and over again. Luke and the guys will be there, everything will be fine. 

The auditorium is packed when Julie riskily peaks around the thick velvet curtains to check out the crowd. The only seats that aren’t filled are in the nosebleeds, and there are echoes of families’ voices and the shuffling of programs emerging from the audience. 

She does a quick scan for the guys, but comes up with nothing. 

_ It's okay,  _ she finds herself saying as she takes deep breaths.  _ They’ll be here. Luke will be here. _

Once again, similar to her dance class performance, she is in a black dress with black shoes. Her and her peers in the program are piled backstage as they impatiently wait for their cue, when suddenly, Miss Harrison is walking onstage and there is an eruption of applause ringing out through the auditorium. 

Julie’s so distracted by listening in on the intro that she doesn’t notice the lights flashing behind her. 

“Julie!” Three familiar voices shock her so much that she jumps at the sound. 

When she turns around, it’s what she’s expecting: Reggie, Alex and Luke. Only she can’t talk to them, because she doesn’t have her phone and is completely surrounded by other students. 

“We know you can’t exactly talk to us right now,” Reggie starts. 

“But we wanted to tell you that we’re here, and that we can’t wait to see the show!” Alex finishes for him. 

Julie’s responding grin is barely visible, but it’s clear enough for the guys to see. 

“We’ll see you out there.” Reggie and Alex rest one hand on each of Julie’s shoulders as they give her smiles and thumbs-up. “Break a leg, Julie!”

Without a second thought, they poof out, leaving Luke the only one still backstage with her. She doesn’t know why he’s still there but she feels like she has a storm coming. 

(Not the bad kind -- the best kind that can only come with Luke Patterson.)

“Hey,” he tells her, facing her directly on her left but she stays facing forward. “You look great. And you’re gonna kill it. I know how hard you’ve been working on this.”

His words are softer, and less energetic than Reggie and Alex’s, but she feels the conviction dripping from every word. Speechless, she nods. 

“Okay. Cool. I- I just wanted to remind you of that.” 

A light touch brushes her hand, and a pair of lips press against her temple. Julie’s muscles all tense at once, because she desperately wants to respond and react and throw her arms around Luke just to feel his warmth, but she can’t. So she settles for tightening her fingers marginally around his hand, and hopes that it’s enough. 

“Break a leg, Rockstar.”

Luke poofs out. 

\--

Julie’s solo is the second to last song of the showcase. After an hour and a half -- including their intermission for 15 minutes -- Julie is watching the woodwind ensemble wrap up their performance, which is right before hers. 

“You ready?” She hears quietly behind her, and turns to see Miss Harrison standing to her right. 

“I mean, I’m a little nervous, but… My family’s out there, and I’ve been practicing a lot. I’m ready.”

Her voice grew in confidence the longer that she spoke, as if a little bit of Luke had surged through her to talk herself back up. She’s never been insecure, but the way that Luke talks about her sometimes sounds like he is discussing a whole other person. More often than she would like to admit, she repeats his words and has to reinforce that she is this supernova of talent that he won’t shut up about. 

“There’s the Julie I was looking for.” Her teacher smiles down at her, but both of their attention is taken away by applause for the woodwind ensemble. The two of them silently clap for the students -- they can’t make noise backstage -- before a motherly hand is rested on Julie’s shoulder. “You’re up. Break a leg.”

(So many people have told her to break a leg tonight that she is starting to worry that they are jinxing her. She knows that it’s literally what performers tell each other before a show, but God, if this was a drinking game, she’d be wasted already.)

The clapping from the crowd falls silent as she walks independently to the grand piano that sits center stage. 

It is a bit awkward at first as she makes her way across the vast stage and shares a brief smile with the audience, finally taking her place at the bench. There is shuffling heard from the pit at the front of the stage as the wind ensemble gets back into their positions, and while there is only a little bit of trumpet later in the song, she wouldn’t feel right starting while they are getting prepared. 

A quick glance at the audience -- she can’t see the boys. 

_ They’re there, dummy. You know they are. _

(But she wishes she could just see them, really quickly, to know for sure.)

There is dead silence from the pit, which draws the conclusion that they are now waiting on Julie. She leans into the microphone. 

“Good evening, everyone.” The applause starts, but dies down quickly as she continues. “I’m Julie Molina-”

And that’s when she finds them. Well, she hears them first, but finds them shortly after.

Screaming, obnoxiously, in the front row of the crowd. They are whooping and chanting her name and clapping like they’re in a bar watching a football game and not at a high school music showcase, and she allows a small giggle to ring from her lips before calming herself back down. 

“-And I will be performing the song  _ Santa Tell Me _ , by Ariana Grande; accompanied by the orchestra.”

The audience provides her with respectful applause and cheers -- the complete opposite of the vibe that Reggie, Alex and Luke are giving her. They have never held back in showing support for her, and while it has always felt rewarding; hearing them roar over the soft crowd noises inspires her to confidently rest her fingers on the keys, smile brightly, and start passionately playing the song. 

_ “Santa, tell me if you’re really there! Don’t make me fall in love again if he won’t be here next year,” _ she belts out, starting strong. The piano sequence at the beginning is simple -- especially since she’s been practicing religiously -- so she allows herself to take a quick peak at the crowd.

Her eyes fall on Luke instantly. 

  
  


(Sure, she had been rehearsing this song with the ghost on her mind. Of course she had. Julie had these insane, unfair feelings for a guy that she was constantly worried about leaving her for the afterlife -- one night, after playing the song until her fingers went numb, she contemplated writing her own letter to Santa and beg him to let the boys stay.)

_ “Santa tell me, if he really cares! ‘Cause I can’t give it all away if he won’t be here next year.” _

Julie keeps singing -- she thinks -- she doesn’t really know -- because Luke has poofed on stage, sitting next to her at the piano bench, essentially scaring the living daylights out of her. She knows the song, so she keeps her composure -- I mean, she managed to perform an entire song with a ghost band backing her uninvited -- so she could handle Luke’s impulsive poofing. 

But he looks a little confused at his own presence. 

Peaking over her shoulder at the sheet music that is really just there for show at his point, he starts to lowly sing along:  _ “-until I know it’s true love that he thinks of-” _

Julie feels the air catch in her throat, but that’s never stopped her before. 

Luke is just next to her, leaning into her body like he knows it, singing about true love in her ear like she is back in dance class fantasizing about him serenading her. 

After attempting to sing a few lines, he realizes that trying to sing along to a song he does not know while Julie is trying to intently focus is not one of his brightest decisions. But he’s up there, and Julie is singing, and she looks so beautiful, so it’s only scientific that he lets his right arm slide behind her back and grasp the bench on the other side of her body. 

Julie harshly pushes down on the keys like it is the only thing helping her keep her composure. 

Luke is mesmerized by the way her fingers move, and the way that her skin illuminates in the most blinding of stage lights, and how her voice is just as angelic up close as it is from an audience point of view. Without a single flaw, she belts out the rest of the song, and he doesn’t look away from her for an instant.

When the final note finally dies on her tongue, he takes the opportunity to swoop in and press his lips to her cheek as an action of pride -- “You killed it, Rockstar.”

She smiles, to herself, to him -- a private smile. It isn’t for the crowd. It’s for them. 

Her hands twitch to hug him, but she turns away from him instead; rising from the bench to bow to the audience. 

Luke gawks at her, amazed and hypnotized, as she receives a standing ovation. 

That night, Julie wakes up sometime around 1 AM for an unknown reason. She thought she had seen a flash of light, but no one and nothing is there, and-

As she exaggeratedly turns onto her side in bed, the puff of air from the collapsing sheets blows a piece of paper onto the floor. A piece of paper that wasn’t there when she crawled into bed hours ago. 

Leaning over with a groan, she captures the paper between her fingers, and lifts it up to her face to unfold. She can barely read it, but:

_ I’ll be there every year if you’ll let me. _

* * *

_**Band** _ _**Practice** _ _**{Reggie and Alex}** _

It’s just a silly little thing she decides to do during practice one day. 

Luke’s been in her face the whole rehearsal, crinkling his nose and giving her those warm smiles and really just trying to suck every ounce of air from her lungs. So, where’s the harm in her wanting a little revenge?

Julie has watched Luke, over and over, mess with a guitar pick in his mouth while writing lyrics or reviewing finished songs. In the privacy of her room, where she had a six-string of her own that Luke was teaching her how to play, she would gnaw on the pick and flick it around in her mouth as she studied, wrote music, or was just overthinking as she often does. The implications of her actions were lost on her -- until she discovered Luke eyeing her actions.

They were struggling with the transition from the bridge to the final chorus, and the two of them found themselves hunched over the piano while Reggie and Alex waited for them to work out whatever their issue was. 

“Okay, wait-” Julie walks around the piano and takes a seat, slipping a stray pick in her mouth to aid her focus. “What if we did it like this?”

Her hands press onto the written keys as she hums out the general melody of the bridge, then attempting a lower sound for the following chorus. To observe her writing partner’s reaction, she looked up-

But Luke was only gaping at her. 

Eyes flickering to the bassist and drummer, she discovers that they are tensely glancing back and forth between her and Luke. “What?” The guitar pick muffles her question, but she still gets her point across. 

“Is- Is that my pick?”

Playfully, Julie tilts the piece of plastic between her teeth. Luke’s eyes follow the movement. 

“One of them,” she responds. There is still a world of emotions waxing across the faces of her bandmates, half of which she can barely decipher. “Why, do you want it?”

“No! No, it’s not- I just- I didn’t realize you-”

“If you want it back…” Oh God, is she really about to do this? “Come and get it.”

(Oh wow. Julie came to play.)

But Luke is prepared. 

The comment definitely has him shaken up for a whole ten seconds, where his gaze is locked on her tempting smile with the curiosity of whether or not she is being serious. While Julie feels like she has just accidentally ignited a fire, she finds herself willing to burn in the flames if it means Luke keeps looking at her like that. 

The two of them quickly forget Reggie and Alex are standing there, idly, watching the whole interaction. 

Wordlessly, Luke slides his guitar to his back and takes a bouncy step towards Julie before slipping next to her on the bench, reminiscent of their Edge of Great performance. Somehow, some way, Julie doesn’t even flinch as Luke prominently enters her personal space-

(She never wants to let him leave her bubble again. His body close to hers is making her heart stutter and goosebumps crawl across her skin, like it is raising to be closer to Luke.)

Leans in-

(Julie forgets the pick is in her mouth. She leans in back to him, only a fraction of a millimeter, expecting their lips to collide at any moment-)

And brushes his nose against hers as he clips his teeth around the pick in question. 

As his mouth closes around it, a light sensation of his lips barely making contact with hers is enough to make every muscle in her body relax and release the pick to Luke. 

He doesn’t pull away immediately, even when the pick is securely in his clutches. Julie is staring at his mouth like she wants something from it, something that he would be more than willing to give. The urge to let the pick fall from his lips and replace it with hers is growing with every passing second. 

“Do… Do we need to end practice early? Leave you guys alone?”

Leave it to Reggie Peters, everybody’s favorite bassist and aspiring country star, to ruin the moment. Alex pokes at him with a drumstick, to which Reggie flinches and whines “ _ ow _ , what did I do?”

“We don’t need to end rehearsal early,” Julie jumps in, blinking rapidly like she hadn’t done so in a while. She turns to Luke. “Do we?”

“No, no,” he agrees, but he can’t help himself as he leans in towards Julie’s ear and whispers: “But maybe you can stick around after and we can hang out?”

She tries not to smile too wide, but whenever Luke Patterson is involved, Julie can’t seem to help herself. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s it,” Alex exclaims, rising from his stool and slipping his drumsticks in his pocket. “I’m going to make out with Willie, something that you two should consider if you ever want us to have a normal rehearsal again.” 

Julie and Luke are frozen on the piano bench, floored at Alex’s directness, as Reggie exasperatedly calls after his bandmate: “Wait! What am I supposed to do?”

Alex doesn’t turn around as he walks through the barn doors. 

“Go to the pet shop and play with the puppies! Just leave them alone for an hour?” He pauses. “Or… More than an hour. I don’t know. Come back for dinner. Just give them a while.” 

Borderline traumatized by the implications, Reggie hardly gives the singer and guitarist a two-fingered salute before poofing out a moment later. 

… Leaving Luke and Julie, way too close to each other, on the piano bench, in a bath of romantic tension. 

(Luke is definitely not thinking about lifting Julie onto the piano, and Julie is definitely not thinking about contemplating the benefits of trying to steal back the pick in his mouth, and-)

“Well… Now we’ve got some time,” Luke practically croaks, trying to force himself to look at Julie and not kiss her the second they lock eyes. 

Julie purses her lips. “Wanna go sit on the couch?”

The guitarist’s head whips in the direction of the couch, and then back to Julie, who is smiling and looking at his shoulder instead of his face because she’s shy and he wants to spend the next few hours giving her every bit of attention he can muster, so-

“Yeah. The couch sounds good.”

* * *

_**Friday Family Dinner** _ _**{Ray, Carlos, the band, and Tia Victoria}** _

Friday Family Dinners was, surprisingly, Carlos’ idea. 

The entire family was still, slowly, adjusting to the idea of three ghosts living in their garage. Julie did her best to not completely flood Ray and Victoria with the boys’ constant presence, which is why all she asked was that they were welcome in the house -- she never raised any obligations.

But Carlos was quickly forming his own bond with each member of the band, and it was him who prompted his father to have the boys come over for dinner every Friday for a family dinner. 

“They don’t have families anymore,” was his successful use of pathos -- which got Ray to cave. 

Glancing at Julie, “they really… They really had it hard, huh?”

“Alex’s were supportive until they were homophobic, and Reggie’s should have divorced when he was little, and Luke’s…” She trails off, trying to find the best way to explain. “He didn’t have it the hardest. But it ended the worst. They became their own family.”

“Would they mind if we invited them over?”

The thought of them not wanting to come and eat as a family makes Julie laugh. She had failed to inform Ray that he had been adopted as a surrogate father. “No, they definitely would love to come.”

And, with an excited scream from Carlos as he fled to the garage to inform his adoptive brothers of their plans on Friday, the tradition was set. 

It had been going on for three weeks when Luke started messing with Julie. 

He always sat next to her, at every meal -- where else would he sit? -- but every dinner, he began to be more bold in his actions. Like he was challenging her not to react in front of her father, who couldn’t even see him. 

It started out small at the fourth dinner.

Everyone was laughing about an anecdote from Ray’s work, when Luke reached his arms up to stretch them above his head, and let his right arm land conveniently around Julie’s shoulders. It was more on the back of her chair than her neck, so she thought he was just doing it for a comfort thing -- until it started inching closer to her body with every smile, every laugh, every rushed glance. 

Eventually, Julie finds herself wrapped up in his arm, and fighting the invitation to lift her left hand to link their fingers together. That would make things too obvious to her dad… And start an uncomfortable conversation. 

(If she reached out for a refill of her lemonade, and readjusted her chair a she sat back down to be closer to Luke, completely pressed into his side with his arm casually draped around her, then nobody really noticed except for the two of them.)

Dinner number five was more of a spontaneous, chaotic mess of fleeting touches and cravings for more and calls for attention. 

It begins in the form of Luke hooking his foot around her ankle under the table. Their legs are brushing together, and Julie wants to laugh but she can’t, especially not when Tia Victoria asks her if she’s learned any other instruments from her bandmates -- “that one with the guitar looks especially willing to teach you a thing or two” -- and Luke is whispering in her ear senseless stuff about how Tia doesn’t know that Julie can barely hold a guitar and his lips are leaving shivers down her spine as they trail the shell of her ear. 

It proceeds through the whole night. Julie is brought into a conversation, and Luke plays with her feet or cracks a joke only meant for her and even though he’s hardly touching her it still feels like her boyfriend is obnoxiously flirting with her in front of her family. 

If Ray and Victoria could see half of what Luke was trying to pull, he would not be leaving a good impression. Or, Julie doesn’t think he would -- she gets confused when Tia comments on her way out that “whichever of those boys was sitting next to you, he makes you smile brighter than I’ve seen in a long time, mija.”

The sixth dinner drives Julie absolutely crazy -- in a good way, she supposes. 

Luke doesn’t hesitate to start messing with her as soon as the family has sat down; brushing rogue curls out of her face as she leans forward to start eating, letting his thumb trace briefly down her neck as he returns his hand to his lap. 

Ray eyes her with curiosity -- clearly seeing the hair being gently removed from her face, and the red flush that rises after -- but doesn’t say anything. 

When Julie complains about a long, tiring test in her math class, a calloused hand slips under her hair and hands on her neck, rubbing small circles into it with his fingers. It reminds her of when he helped her study for a history exam; which does not help Julie’s case to keep her mind pure and clear during these dinners. 

(You know why. She’s thought about his mouth on her shoulder every night since.)

As Julie helps kick up a conversation between Tia and Luke, his hand suddenly shifts to rest on top of her thigh. And she knows he did it on purpose, too, because he squeezes it a little every time she laughs. 

His thumb swipes across the cotton of her sweatpants back and forth in a soothing, affectionate routine. 

Knowing it won’t be obvious to the living spectators at the table, Julie eventually constructs the nerve to curl her right hand on top of his; savoring the feeling of his hand in hers. So, as he moves his thumb left to right along her thigh, she allows her own thumb to wander across his knuckles. 

Her breath doesn’t catch like it normally does, and she doesn’t feel tense or shy or anything flustered. For the first time, she just feels happy. Natural. Content. 

Loved. 

The seventh dinner calls for attentive Luke. He doesn’t really touch her -- at all, which is disappointing to say the least -- but he does just about everything else. 

It’s so offhanded, and Julie hardly realizes it is happening; but he is pulling her chair out when she approaches the dining room table and dishes up her food (because he knows what she does and doesn’t want) while she makes small talk with Carlos and refills her drink when he catches it getting low. 

A new napkin appears by her side when she has dirtied her original one, he puts extra sour cream on her plate when the bowl comes back around and she’s too distracted helping Alex communicate with Ray, and he picks off the big pieces of onion that he knows she hates. 

When bowls of ice cream get passed around for desert, sprinkles appear on hers. 

Nobody had gotten out the sprinkles. 

She smiles at Luke, and poorly feigns a strong blush coming on, and she wonders in that moment if she would ever love anybody more than she loves him. If this was how her parents felt, when they were young and happy and couldn’t even entertain the thought of caring about anything else in the world more than they did for each other. 

She wonders if her dad ever went out of his way to put sprinkles on her mom’s ice cream.

She wonders if Luke feels as strongly about her; this all-consuming feeling that her stomach is smoldering and her heart is beating for another person instead of herself. 

(He does.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you guys so much. here's a warm digital hug *squeezes* because i think we all need it.  
> see you lovies soon.

**Author's Note:**

> title from "wonder" by shawn mendes :)


End file.
